THIS IS THE MOST DISORGANIZED BLOG YET. I'M JUST RANTING AND THINKING OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD...I COULD TALK ABOUT STAR WARS ALL FUCKING DAY AND IF THAT MAKES ME A NERD THEN SO BE IT...I COULD BE DOING CRACK INSTEAD.

GENERAL GRIEVOUS

Okay time to bust out some nerd passion. First off Tony, had you been a real Jedi such as myself you would understand that General Grievous is actually a living being. He comes from the planet Kalee and is from the Kaleesh species who specialize in making real living cyborgs of themselves. Quick nerd fact...he was almost killed by Boba Fett at one point. Since he does have his heart and lungs as well as his eyes and brain he is able to cough. As to why Lucas made him cough...who the fuck knows...but he's better than Darth Maul so let us be happy.

THE ORDER OF THE FILMS

Lucas wanted to shoot Episode I first but he knew that the story was weak and figured that it would flop and he would never be able to shoot the rest of the five episodes. Probably the smartest move he has ever made...oh yeah next to him buying the rights to Star Wars back from the studio for next to nothing.

MACE WINDU: AFFIRMATIVE ACTION IN THE JEDI COUNCIL

I'm glad Mace Windu died. That fucker had a gay purple lightsaber and all he fucking did the entire three movies was be Yoda's bitch. Conversations went something like that...

"To Kamino we must go. Search out this clone army we must."
Mace Windu steps in..."It is settled then. Obi-wan will go to Kamino and investigate the situation further. By the way I'm black and have a purple lightsaber!"
"Black you are Master Windu...careful affirmative action you must take Master Kenobi." Yoda and the rest of the council chuckle underneath their breath.

ANAKIN IS THE CHOSEN ONE?

Darth Plagueis was supposedly so powerful that he was able to control the midiclorians and create life. I think and this would be very cool if Plagueis somehow created Anakin Skywalker to secure that the dark side of the force would prevail. Of course Plagueis was killed way earlier before Anakin came to be...but it could be cool...but that would change the ENTIRE way we see Anakin. Oh well...I guess the only question left is..."Are you an angel?"

JOHN WILLIAMS: THE TRUE HERO OF THE STAR WARS GALAXY

The music. Every single memorable note is known worldwide. I mean you could go ahead and say that Indiana Jones might be the most recognizable song...but I seriously think people can pick out a lot more Star Wars tracks than Indiana tracks. You guys didn't stay throughout the whole credits and I'm not sure you got the soundtrack...but at the end of Episode III, Williams puts together all the themes from Episode I to VI...it brought a tear to my eye it was so beautiful. Hehe.

PADME BECOMES A STRIPPER...OH WAIT.

Since Lucas was such a shitty director and made Natalie say such stupid shit...here I pay homage to the BEST line in any Star Wars film...

"I will not stand here and allow this action to take place while you discuss this in a CO - MI - TEEEEEEEE."

I am proud to say that I was able to see through bad direction and defend Natalie's acting skills. I knew that Lucas wanted her to talk all retarded and she proved me right in films such as Closer and that family favorite Where the Heart Is. Haha I lied about that last one...but her character in Garden State I absolutely adored. Way to go Lucas for making the general public think that she sucks at her craft so she went and became a stripper in Closer.

YODA AND WHY HE TALKS LIKE HE DOES

Tony I unfortunately have no clue why he talks like that, I can tell you as another interesting Nerd fact that he is the ONLY character that has NO backstory other than he is considered the greatest Jedi Master that has learned the force (rather than have it naturally like Anakin or any of the Skywalker family)

WEDGE ANTILLES IS BETTER THAN LUKE

He is the only character to survive TWO runs at the Death Star. Also Mike who is also a Star Wars nerd told me that the Captain Antilles in the end of Episode III is NOT Wedge's dad. Wedge was fucking awesome. He spoke with a cool accent...he was in my opinion a better fighter pilot than Luke. All he gets for his efforts is to scratch the head of a fucking Ewok at the end of Jedi. I hate Lucas.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...LUCAS JUST LET IT BE...

He keeps redoing and redoing shit...well if you are going to fucking go back and take the time to restore small shit that sometimes change the character arcs of the trilogies then at least get the continuity errors....when Luke is training on the Falcon with Obi-wan he is using Anakin's lightsaber...except that it is GREEN. I guess over time the lightsaber ripens and blue changes to green. Also no one will check this so you can take my word for it...the lightsabers in Return of the Jedi on DVD SUCK SHIT. VADER'S LIGHTSABER IS FUCKING PINK. I THOUGHT LIGHTSABERS WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A GLOW?!? Check it out...I believe if you have the VHS copies before the DVD's came out...you will notice the lightsabers look like normal lightsabers...not some plastic tubing that is shown in the DVD's. Also of course is the spirit scene at the end of Jedi...we all know it sucks. My favorite is the fact that Sebastian Shaw who played old Anakin was smiling at Luke at the end of the original...but look at Hayden...he isn't smiling as much as he just looks like he just fucking killed someone and enjoyed it. Please Lucas...just leave it alone...