Hmm, good icons! Well except for my Disney Land pic. Looks like I got up after only 4 hours of sleep and I forgot my comb.... Oh.... Isn't that how it turned out?

Anyway, I'm back from Kingdom Hearts... I think I'm almost done with it. It's still loads of fun. Forgot how good adventure/action games could be, not that they come close to all the Bemani games out there though! Ah one of these days I'll get you guys hooked on one or two of those games.

School has started full swing now, took one mid-term and the next two should be coming next week or so My classes are fairly easy, since I changed my major to Business I'm taking freshman level classes. Already, I feel that I'm doing something better now that I'm out of Computer Science. Last semester killed me in terms of GPA. I'm actually on probation now because of that.. Grr... I've only got 4 classes this time around... 1.) Intro to Accounting. 2.) Macro Economics 3.) Business Law. 4.) Statistics. I still don't know what my focus is in business, but Law and accounting class are great.

Has anyone been watching George Bush, or more precisely his little "fool me once" speech. After hearing it, I'm not sure if this guy has it all together. If he can't even say "shame on me," he's got issues. And this guy wants to attack Iraq. The only ones that think this is a good idea is Bush and Britan... GAH...

I like the icons that were given to the laggers, I hope all of you get on soon and get your icons up. It would look way better if it weren't just Brendan and I. As for Brendan's blog, I can't really say much about John Mayer since I've only heard his one song. I'll give him the whispering thing though and I doubt this guy is really comparable to Dave Matthews. But for me the whole band makes Dave Matthews better, they just seem to flow.

Well, I just got to SJ so that I could cover my dad's cleaners while my parents go to Lake Tahoe. It was a sad drive really, I hated to leave SLO after one week. Andy was reading magazines and sleeping, while I just sat and thought for 3 hours. It was a depressing day just because the clouds were out, no sun shining at all and right when I got back into SJ, that sad feeling came over me. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining or crying over everything that's happened to me, it's just that I seem to think I have some shitty luck and I'm hoping this writing thing will become somewhat therapeutic and allow me to get everything off my chest. So anyway, today I was thinking "goddamn, I'm destined to be alone." It was just one of those days. I know that statement isn't true (hopefully), but sometimes I just feel like I'm being dealt a shitty hand. I also can't understand how some people can just get over relationships sometimes. People that date a lot can do this best, I guess, also maybe the person who calls it off can take it easier than the person that gets "dumped." (Sorry couldn't think of a nicer word) It sucks because the other person just never really knows how you feel and never will feel that pain. I can honestly say that I'm afraid of getting into another relationship, actually I'm deathly scared of it. I've gone though this pain 3 times this year and it hasn't become something I'm used to yet. I guess we're all very young and good things will happen for all of us in the future; we all need to live a little more stress free. I always wish I could be someone who didn't worry all the time and was always wary of people's motives for certain actions. I wish I didn't really care what people thought of me. I wish I didn't think about all this. I wish I wasn't scared about the future and just live in the now. I guess I've always been a planner and I like things organized. I'm not big on surprises. Uncertainty is a bitch ain't it? But I guess life would suck ass if we knew everything that was going to happen to us right? I just wish I had some direction on where I'm supposed to go.

Here are the things that keep me ticking and that I'm happy that I have: Great friends, an awesome family which I don't realize/appreciate sometimes, great internship which will hopefully open some doors for me, an education that I hope expands over the next year. the one thing that lacks is a job next year, which will come in time and a relationship, which isn't all to life. It's a wonderful feeling to be loved and to love someone, but it's not what completes a person by itself. Hurting is a part of life and it's a hard lesson to learn now, but it will all be over soon. Ironic how in high school and most of college I was so sure I wanted a gf, now....not too sure. haha

On a brighter note, Kingdom Hearts is pretty damn fun! It's keeping my mind off everything, even school which is bad. hehe. I haven't skipped any classes for it yet. My new apartment is pretty sweet, a little noisy at times, but I love it. School is alright, after this week I found out that I have one final and my Friday class is pretty much optional the whole quarter. I looked at some pics from the summer tonight and it showed me a time when I was having a blast and just genuinely happy. I can't wait to get back in that mode and just smile, for no reason at all, just because. It's the best feeling to be that carefree, soon I'll be there, I just need out of this damn town! Hawaii anyone, Vegas maybe? =)

I created some temporary icons for the laggers. These were added in an arbitrary order, and do not determine your place in the totem pole. So still get your icons in (or delegate the production to someone you trust) ASAP. Maybe the pics I used will give you some ideas...

Okay so I get it. I shouldn't judge stuff without knowing the subject. As human speech editor once put it, "judgement via ignorance." Well let me tell you something Mr. Smarty Pants. I decided I will judge stuff because I AM ignorance. So with that in mind I will now write what I know about John Mayer. I just heard his new single (which is supposed to make me go out and buy his new album) but then I heard that he sounds exactly the same as in his other songs. It's loud whispering. That's all it is. "Your body is wonderland"? WTF is that? I guess.

So that brings us to Dave and the comparison. I will admit that Dave does sometimes sing like this...but for every minute he sings like that he has five more minutes of unwhispering singing. For those that say he has more relatable songs...well that's up for grabs. But last time I checked Dave had some very good songs that aren't always about pissing in the ocean and shitting all over nature. So different strokes for different people. In 4-5 years let us see if your still listening to Mr. Whispers and then you can say he is on the same level as Dave.

Judgement via Ignorance...you just remember who you love. Stupidity and I am it in its highest form. By the way, so I have something to retaliate with, why don't you put up a list of songs I should download from John Mayer and I will try my best to listen to it with an open mind. Then maybe we can have a reasonable argument. Kingdom Hearts...hey camera where the fuck you looking? Last I checked I was the pointy haired kid...not the wall with the shitty texture on it.

School has started for me as well. I've had two classes so far out of 4, the next one is in like 20 min..woo hoo! So far they're not too bad. I got a lot of reading to do already in my first week. I've pretty much settled into my new apartment and I've been playing a lot of Kingdom Hearts (good job Brian!) and Madden. It suckls because I will not have internet access until about the 9th of October. Hopefully everything works out w/o any hitches. Until then everything is done at school.

Have you guys sent out Blog to your friends yet for their reading pleasure? Or are you waiting until everyone's Icons are up?

As for the update on me and how I'm feeling: It was weird on my car ride up, I was just kicking it having a good time, singing and doing stupid shit and it was fun! Like it was the first time I genuinely had fun in a long time. There were no worries and I could just be carefree. Even though I'm not completely over everything that's happened, I'm way better than what I was before. It's helping a lot that I'm in a new town and trying to focus on other things, like school or videogames, whatever comes first =). But I think I'm going to make it boyz. Woo hoo! It's encouraging. Anyway, I gotta run, but I hope school is all good for all of you, especially Jonathan w/ that grueling Tennis class w/ no cute girls hahahaha.

Well, class has begun... time to buckle down and study again. Whoops, looks like the only class I'm taking is Intermediate Tennis, so I guess there'll be very little studying after all. Since I'm so late trying to register (day before class), I can't get into the programming classes without an approval code or something like that. Oh well, maybe next quarter.

So we started class today. I didn't think I'd get in since I tried to register 5 days late and had to get on the waitlist. It didn't help that I showed up for class while the instructor was in the middle of attendance, and he called my name about ten seconds after I arrived.
But as it turns out everyone got in.
And as it turns out a lot of the students are actually college grads, like me.
And as it turns out I didn't notice a single cute girl (there were hardly any girls to begin with).
It looks like I'm on the higher end of the class spectrum as far as tennis experience. A lot of those people were hitting wild, inconsistent shots from what I saw. But I watched for a while, then rallied with 3 who seemed pretty good. I better learn something from this class dammit. Well, at least it felt good to get out and get some exercise, wheee.

Oh and after class I went to Long's to get my film developed, so I should have a bunch of good pics on Wednesday. I also picked up some "Hi-Tech Floss" which is supposed to fan out when it's between your teeth to clean more, Listerine PocketPaks like Brian has, and a Mint Julep Natural Face Scrub. When Lan and I were together she got me the "Clinique Skin Supplies for Men Face Scrub" (i.e. reminded me how nasty my face can get and urged me to do something about it). I like the scrubbing action, but the Mint Julep was the closest thing they had at Long's other than a grapefruit/grape seed thing that costs twice as much for the same amount. Maybe I'll try that one later. =D

Oh and I'm still cleaning my room. But this time I'm making actual progress. Haven't played poker in a long time. Miss the income.

Ahh, Kingdom Hearts is so simple yet addictive. Who would have thought Final Fantasy would mix with Disney? Heh, not to mention the good theme song.

Guess I won't be logging too much for a couple days :)

Ouch... Sorry to hear that Bryant... At least you sort of know the direction you're taking and it sounds like you're going in the right direction. Don't you just hate getting the rug pulled from under you? *sigh* the shit we go through for women... For now, just tough it out write down all you're feeling and in the end... Who knows... (heh encouraging isn't it?)

Ahhh on my side the relationships haven't been too great. This week has certainly been interesting. Here's the introduction... The girl I've finally gotten over did a mass e-mail on Monday saying that she's living in Sacramento now and is going to have a b-day party on Friday... Well, me being resolved not to get into another "what if" session with her, I don't e-mail back. I do send a little b-day card just to be polite... It's over and done with, right? Weeelllll, she calls me on Friday. You wouldn't believe the feeling I got when I heard her voice on the answering machine. Gah... Can't really describe it... Anyway, she wants to know how I'm doing now... I give her a call back, and we talk for about an hour. I'm not quite sure what the point of the call was, but it was a pretty good conversation, some interesting points come out about what's happening... I can't really say what they are since it's probably just me thinking weird stuff... I don't make it to the party as I have work, but the call is starting to make me wonder. Why would she call me now? I haven't actually talked to her in over a year now, and we've made no attempt at it, assuming that we were happier away from each other... Bleh. Whatever, I'm probably getting worked up (at what?) over nothing. Just venting through this newly created blog :)

Ya know, I haven't really been a good friend to you guys... Don't know why you put up with me! I resolve to place friends above all now, 'cause isn't that what it's all about? I enjoyed the So Cal trip, it was even more fun than the last time we did it! Well, except for that dumb traffic on the way back... I'll agree with Steve about the damn LA drivers :)

Ah anyway onto lighter news...

It's almost time for more online poker! I lost my initial $60, but I'll be back a little later in the month. I will get better and start taking some of that money! The last game I was in was EXTREMELY loose and I guess I didn't play tight enough... So much potential wasted... Bleh. After I recoup, anyone for Las Vegas?

Alright, til next time... Next entry will probably be more focused and entertaing. Probably.

Hi guys, I hope you like my icon that I put up. I think it reflects my personality somewhat. Just letting people know that you can't take me too seriously. Most may know or may not know of my recent rut. For those who noticed, I apologize for not being the usual me and that hopefully I'll be all smiles again soon. For those who don't know here's the story; the last week or so has been extremely hard on me. Of course it has to do my relationship, which recently ended b/w Natalie and I. It was really hard for me because she is my "first love." I have never cared for someone so much as I did for her and from I know she loved me too, but it was time for her to take a break. Reasons if I understand them correctly were because she saw us long term, so she felt that she was still young and needed to be single and that she wouldn't have the time to keep up a relationship w/ soccer, school, etc. Both, I knew were risks when I went into the relationship, both were risks that all my friends told me about, but I was still unprepared when she told me she wanted to go on a break. I thought things were going well and that this news came out of no where. We talked for like 7 hours the day we broke up, not really to patch things up, just to clarify things. I think I took it much harder because it felt like I was being rejected or like I did something wrong to cause this. It wasn't totally mutual, I understood why, but it was her call and I am going to try to do my best and be supportive. I think it also hurt because someone who supposedly loves you tells you that you're not high on her priority list isn't easy either. I felt like I could always make time and compromise, but I guess it wasn't enough. As of right now, I don't feel that much different from before. I feel pathetic at times because she is comfortable where we're at and from what I've seen isn't the slightest bit bummed or anything and then there's me who is just miserable and sad. It's comparable to the Irene ordeal, except at times this feels worse because it was someone I really cared about. That same night we talked even more and she wasn't sure she made the right decision, so I told her to take a couple days to think about it. I was kind of irked because she didn't tell me her final decision until we went running and even then it was subtle. I wish she would've told me when she knew for sure. It just would've given me a little more time to reflect on it, instead of being put on the spot. We're going to try and be friends and that is what I totally want to do, it's just hard for me to get over the hump and realize, that's all we will be for now. I hear her talk about all her other friends and how she can depend on them and call them whenever and I want to be that person for her. Another thing that will take some time to get used to is if she finds someone else or dates someone else, that'll be tough for me to hear, but I rather hear it from her than anyone else. I think there are hopes on both sides that we'll get back together someday, for me the thing that worries me is the uncertainty of when and even if. She calls it a lack of faith on my part, but sometimes you have to face the reality that we might not get back together, which is rough for me to think about. We are two totally different people who do different things and act in different ways, but sometimes opposites attract right? All in all, at least I learned to love someone and I know the feeling now to be loved and hopefully I've gained another great friend. And to show off my optimistic side, maybe we'll be great friends and hopefully that will strengthen a potential future relationship. Maybe this really is for the best and maybe I can't see it right now w/ a broken heart. But once time heals and I can see everything clearly, hopefully I'll be able to reflect on it and say "ya, that REALLY was for the best." Another hard lesson I've learned is that love can't keep everything together. Too many factors in this crazy world screw it up. That's where I'll leave fate to decide whether Natalie and I are right for each other. Wow, I've noticed I've written a lot about this. Thanks to everyone who listened and those who were just there for me. I know this year has been a big whining year for me w/ 3 relationships all going south, but thanks for sticking me and I love you guys (not in a gay manner) and gals, and I hope I can repay everyone's kindness. Just don't tell me there's plenty of fish in the sea, cause that's the last thing I want to hear. =) To any girls reading this, that's right Bryant is SINGLE. haha j/k ...well not just kidding...you know what I mean damnit! hehe Peace y'all.