I like the icons that were given to the laggers, I hope all of you get on soon and get your icons up. It would look way better if it weren't just Brendan and I. As for Brendan's blog, I can't really say much about John Mayer since I've only heard his one song. I'll give him the whispering thing though and I doubt this guy is really comparable to Dave Matthews. But for me the whole band makes Dave Matthews better, they just seem to flow.

Well, I just got to SJ so that I could cover my dad's cleaners while my parents go to Lake Tahoe. It was a sad drive really, I hated to leave SLO after one week. Andy was reading magazines and sleeping, while I just sat and thought for 3 hours. It was a depressing day just because the clouds were out, no sun shining at all and right when I got back into SJ, that sad feeling came over me. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining or crying over everything that's happened to me, it's just that I seem to think I have some shitty luck and I'm hoping this writing thing will become somewhat therapeutic and allow me to get everything off my chest. So anyway, today I was thinking "goddamn, I'm destined to be alone." It was just one of those days. I know that statement isn't true (hopefully), but sometimes I just feel like I'm being dealt a shitty hand. I also can't understand how some people can just get over relationships sometimes. People that date a lot can do this best, I guess, also maybe the person who calls it off can take it easier than the person that gets "dumped." (Sorry couldn't think of a nicer word) It sucks because the other person just never really knows how you feel and never will feel that pain. I can honestly say that I'm afraid of getting into another relationship, actually I'm deathly scared of it. I've gone though this pain 3 times this year and it hasn't become something I'm used to yet. I guess we're all very young and good things will happen for all of us in the future; we all need to live a little more stress free. I always wish I could be someone who didn't worry all the time and was always wary of people's motives for certain actions. I wish I didn't really care what people thought of me. I wish I didn't think about all this. I wish I wasn't scared about the future and just live in the now. I guess I've always been a planner and I like things organized. I'm not big on surprises. Uncertainty is a bitch ain't it? But I guess life would suck ass if we knew everything that was going to happen to us right? I just wish I had some direction on where I'm supposed to go.

Here are the things that keep me ticking and that I'm happy that I have: Great friends, an awesome family which I don't realize/appreciate sometimes, great internship which will hopefully open some doors for me, an education that I hope expands over the next year. the one thing that lacks is a job next year, which will come in time and a relationship, which isn't all to life. It's a wonderful feeling to be loved and to love someone, but it's not what completes a person by itself. Hurting is a part of life and it's a hard lesson to learn now, but it will all be over soon. Ironic how in high school and most of college I was so sure I wanted a gf, now....not too sure. haha

On a brighter note, Kingdom Hearts is pretty damn fun! It's keeping my mind off everything, even school which is bad. hehe. I haven't skipped any classes for it yet. My new apartment is pretty sweet, a little noisy at times, but I love it. School is alright, after this week I found out that I have one final and my Friday class is pretty much optional the whole quarter. I looked at some pics from the summer tonight and it showed me a time when I was having a blast and just genuinely happy. I can't wait to get back in that mode and just smile, for no reason at all, just because. It's the best feeling to be that carefree, soon I'll be there, I just need out of this damn town! Hawaii anyone, Vegas maybe? =)