Oh yeah real quick. I know that a lot of you scoff at online poker. I know some of you guys gave it a run but the cards screwed you over. Well I felt it was very hard to win at Pokerroom. I might have played the hands in the long run wrong, but I was on there for about 3 years or so and saw too many wierd things going on there.
So I moved to Paradise poker. I can't explain it and some of you (Jonathan haha) will probably say I'm a little paranoid or something, but the cards seem to fall more realistically...like they would at Bay 101. I'm sure it is all in my head, but I just don't see as many strange things...and not even with the board, but also with people chasing crazy stuff as if they have pokerbots or something on Pokerroom. Again probably all in my head.
Just wanted to let you know that I have been playing Paradise for about 2 weeks now for a total of about 40-50 hours (yeah I didn't keep records, but a lot of times were just some hit and runs where I sat for only 20 minutes or so) and I just surpassed the 1K mark after deposting 200.00 and playing at 2/4. So if you ever give online poker a try, I would suggest getting your money out of Pokerroom.
Again it is probably in my head, but a change in scenery can be nice! =)
Jul 15, 2005
This is kind of on the topic of Penis, but also a tangent so don't worry...
Yeah I hear you Steve. I wasn't judgemental. And I know you probably think we are making too much of a big deal about it. All I was making clear to Bryant (and hopefully you agree with me on this) is that Obon is something that we have been going to as kids and even though it seems that it is just a social festival...more importantly it is a festival to celebrate the passing of people we love. Now this might not seem how it comes off...I mean even I was eating while people were dancing outside...but I know to some people this is a very important time.
Now I understand that people don't watch what they say around kids. But just because someone else does it doesn't mean that I personally should do it. In fact I choose not to do it. Perfect example is Disneyland. Those who have been to Disneyland with me multiple times probably don't notice it, but I do watch what I say or at least don't shout out certain things because I respect the fact that it is a family oriented place AND because I remember going there as a kid and not seeing or hearing certain things.
Another example is going over to Bryant's house, drinking some beers before I go and going to his house and yelling penis. I wouldn't do that out of respect to Bryant's parents since I know they don't appreciate that sort of thing in their household. And we also can't compare SJ Obon to Mt. View's Obon. Sure Mt. View is more popular, but I still like SJ better. I think it is because I see more families around than I do at Mt. View, which is usually swamped with old fucks like us...and they put the beer tent way off...practically in the street so some of us will get run over. At the SJ one the beer is around little kids mainly cuz SJ's is so fucking small.
So what is the tangent here? This is in response to Bryant's little ranty rant. He said things along the lines that he likes to be the center of the stories and wishes he had some cool stories to tell like some other people he knows...I just wanted to let him know that I personally think that the crazy shit that happens to you or the crazy stuff you do when sober is much more valuable than the stuff you do if your drunk. Sure I laugh a little when we look back on these stories, but the ones that I think are better are...for example...
Our hockey games every single night and how we used to make fun of Tom. CARS CARS CARS CARS!
Us sitting in the bitch Dean's office with the black guy running out and seeing the response of the faculty to his daring escape.
Playing baseball on the four square with the rubber ball and you falling down and landing on a bee. Okay so you probably hate that story but I love it.
Playing Perfect Dark with you and Andy and laughing how stupid the Perfect bots are to keep coming up the ramp...and them killing us without hesitation. That shit never got old.
Anyway I don't wanna make the other Pooky peepz have to read the million more I got in my head. These stories might seem fucking boring to all you who get down and boogie woogie but these are the ones I'm proud of and the ones I'll look back on. I just wanted to let you know that I don't mind it when you are drunk. I don't think anyone was really saying that we can't hang around you when you are drunk...we just wanted you to know so that next time you might think where you are at and choose your action accordingly. And don't worry...Tony is half to blame...he basically treated you like a drugged up slut and he raped your innocence! HAHA!
I'm just thinking that when your older and after you have many more memories lived...you will look back and be proud of the memories that you did...not the memories that the alcohol in you did. I know that whatever you keep with you is your own personal choice...its just a thought.
Yeah I hear you Steve. I wasn't judgemental. And I know you probably think we are making too much of a big deal about it. All I was making clear to Bryant (and hopefully you agree with me on this) is that Obon is something that we have been going to as kids and even though it seems that it is just a social festival...more importantly it is a festival to celebrate the passing of people we love. Now this might not seem how it comes off...I mean even I was eating while people were dancing outside...but I know to some people this is a very important time.
Now I understand that people don't watch what they say around kids. But just because someone else does it doesn't mean that I personally should do it. In fact I choose not to do it. Perfect example is Disneyland. Those who have been to Disneyland with me multiple times probably don't notice it, but I do watch what I say or at least don't shout out certain things because I respect the fact that it is a family oriented place AND because I remember going there as a kid and not seeing or hearing certain things.
Another example is going over to Bryant's house, drinking some beers before I go and going to his house and yelling penis. I wouldn't do that out of respect to Bryant's parents since I know they don't appreciate that sort of thing in their household. And we also can't compare SJ Obon to Mt. View's Obon. Sure Mt. View is more popular, but I still like SJ better. I think it is because I see more families around than I do at Mt. View, which is usually swamped with old fucks like us...and they put the beer tent way off...practically in the street so some of us will get run over. At the SJ one the beer is around little kids mainly cuz SJ's is so fucking small.
So what is the tangent here? This is in response to Bryant's little ranty rant. He said things along the lines that he likes to be the center of the stories and wishes he had some cool stories to tell like some other people he knows...I just wanted to let him know that I personally think that the crazy shit that happens to you or the crazy stuff you do when sober is much more valuable than the stuff you do if your drunk. Sure I laugh a little when we look back on these stories, but the ones that I think are better are...for example...
Our hockey games every single night and how we used to make fun of Tom. CARS CARS CARS CARS!
Us sitting in the bitch Dean's office with the black guy running out and seeing the response of the faculty to his daring escape.
Playing baseball on the four square with the rubber ball and you falling down and landing on a bee. Okay so you probably hate that story but I love it.
Playing Perfect Dark with you and Andy and laughing how stupid the Perfect bots are to keep coming up the ramp...and them killing us without hesitation. That shit never got old.
Anyway I don't wanna make the other Pooky peepz have to read the million more I got in my head. These stories might seem fucking boring to all you who get down and boogie woogie but these are the ones I'm proud of and the ones I'll look back on. I just wanted to let you know that I don't mind it when you are drunk. I don't think anyone was really saying that we can't hang around you when you are drunk...we just wanted you to know so that next time you might think where you are at and choose your action accordingly. And don't worry...Tony is half to blame...he basically treated you like a drugged up slut and he raped your innocence! HAHA!
I'm just thinking that when your older and after you have many more memories lived...you will look back and be proud of the memories that you did...not the memories that the alcohol in you did. I know that whatever you keep with you is your own personal choice...its just a thought.
Jul 14, 2005
haha To be honest, I can't believe that game caused such a ruckus. I will say this to anyone, I'm not going to promise that I won't do it again. Unfortunately when I drink, I like many others lose certain inhibitions and shit happens. There are shit load of things that other people do that bug me, but I choose to hang out with them anyway. We hang out with our friends with their pluses and minuses. If we really couldn't handle it then we wouldn't hang out with them. At least I wouldn't. And for the record if we hit someone everytime we thought they were being stupid, acting inappropriately, etc, we would all be covered in bruises and saying "I fell down the stairs" to people at work.
Brendan's right, there's part of me that is DAMN proud of what I did. Not because I offended people , not because I embarassed others, because I did whatever I felt like doing at that point in time. Believe it or not, I could've not played that game if I really didn't want to, but I did and I wanted to win and get some laughs. Plus two for accomplishing both goals. There aren't many times in life where we lose all inhibition and just don't give a crap what anyone thinks, this was one of those times and it felt good. Unless I drink an absolutely ludicrous amount, I feel like I can control most my actions and this was one of those times where I chose not to. Plain and simple. I'm sorry to sound a little upset, but I think some of us would be hypocritcal to think what I did was really that terrible. It's not like any of us our perfect citizens and I'm sure if I thought hard enough I could think of times where others slipped in judgement. Is it different because I'm 25 and should know better? Possibly...
I apologize again if I embarassed anyone, but if you cannot handle being around me when I drink, don't. Drunk or not, I am not going to apologize week in and week out for things that I do. If there are consequences I will face them head on. Out of most of us, I think I'm capable of doing the most random things in a public place, especially while drinking and my actions aren't any different from any other Obon. True, I've never yelled penis but I've spilled beer on someone, punched Kevin, sang at some random dude on a bike, gave a girl a ring, and danced on the damn Bingo table. Are any of the above showing any better of an influence to a little kid? Probably not - haha.
So if anyone didn't know any of the above, there's your warning and I will not be offended if you don't hang out w/ me at Mtn. View. The main reason I apologize for last weeks apparent debacle was because in hind sight it really was a stupid thing to do, especially for a few laughs. Reward wasn't worth reading:
Ok, so with that said, I really really really hope to not have to hear about this again, unless it's one of those "Remember the time when..." hahah good laughs and we move on...situations. If someone wants to discuss my behavior further, my AIM is dmai27, email - bhlee27@yahoo, or you have my cell.
Football will be sweet, Mtn View is going to be awesome and our after party even better. I hope to see everyone there!
Brendan's right, there's part of me that is DAMN proud of what I did. Not because I offended people , not because I embarassed others, because I did whatever I felt like doing at that point in time. Believe it or not, I could've not played that game if I really didn't want to, but I did and I wanted to win and get some laughs. Plus two for accomplishing both goals. There aren't many times in life where we lose all inhibition and just don't give a crap what anyone thinks, this was one of those times and it felt good. Unless I drink an absolutely ludicrous amount, I feel like I can control most my actions and this was one of those times where I chose not to. Plain and simple. I'm sorry to sound a little upset, but I think some of us would be hypocritcal to think what I did was really that terrible. It's not like any of us our perfect citizens and I'm sure if I thought hard enough I could think of times where others slipped in judgement. Is it different because I'm 25 and should know better? Possibly...
I apologize again if I embarassed anyone, but if you cannot handle being around me when I drink, don't. Drunk or not, I am not going to apologize week in and week out for things that I do. If there are consequences I will face them head on. Out of most of us, I think I'm capable of doing the most random things in a public place, especially while drinking and my actions aren't any different from any other Obon. True, I've never yelled penis but I've spilled beer on someone, punched Kevin, sang at some random dude on a bike, gave a girl a ring, and danced on the damn Bingo table. Are any of the above showing any better of an influence to a little kid? Probably not - haha.
So if anyone didn't know any of the above, there's your warning and I will not be offended if you don't hang out w/ me at Mtn. View. The main reason I apologize for last weeks apparent debacle was because in hind sight it really was a stupid thing to do, especially for a few laughs. Reward wasn't worth reading:
- "Bryant your antics except the PENIS was second in line" - I'm sorry, bad timing. I know your humor/antics/comments/overall dialogue isn't any cleaner, but the better person doesn't do it in front of Sydnie and Stitch. I love them as if they were my cousins and I wouldn't intend to corrupt their minds so early in life. Innocence is a treasured asset that I'm sure some of us miss.
- "If The Penis Game gets started again this week, someone is getting hit. I'm generally a pretty fun guy, but if I saw a bunch of drunk bastards yelling "Penis" at a family oriented event which used to have some sort of sentimental value and meaning (I know they dance at the SJ Obon), I would want to crack some skulls. There's a time and place for everything and I don't think an event like this is either. Next time you find yourselves ready to do something that has you questioning your actions, imagine yourself 5 tables away with your family and re-think your actions." See comment above about hitting. I expect you to crack skulls in Mtn. View if you see inappropriate non-family like behavior. This isn't a Disney movie and a kid could watch/hear much worse listening to MTV.
- "If that was someone else I'd want to hit him also. -.5 points." See comment above about hitting. Actually, next time, hit me. Or nudge me and say that wasn't cool. This definitely didn't have to be a debateable topic and I'm really more embarassed about having to post.
- "who gives a fuck may be right, but if it was someone else doing it at obon we might be talking about how retarded they were" I don't know who this was, but just because it was me doesn't mean it wasn't retarded. This comment tells me that you thought what I did was just that. And I'm ok with that, minus that i don't know who you are, the rest of us are all friends and though we may not like what we hear, we can talk things out among ourselves. I trust everyone on this blog and consider everyone to be at least a good friend to my best friends. If you feel I am acting retarded and you're embarassed let me know and we can talk that through.
- "Bryant's still gonna get slapped around. He needs it." Misunderstanding here, but I hope everyone understands that what I'm going through after my break up with Tiff has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. Things are easier said then done especially when you're bored at work and think a lot. I am doing my best to take in everyone's advice. Baby steps are comin...I accept that I will feel shitty if I don't do the little things and if you don't want to hear about it because you don't think I'm trying then I'm really sorry to hear that. I think I've made huge leaps from where I was a month ago and if you can't see that then I must be doing something wrong.
- "Imagine YOU were the parent trying to have dinner with your kids." Once again, sorry sorry sorry! To be honest, this IS going to happen to us in our lives and people around us are going to say things that aren't appropriate for our kids. I'm sorry that I'm the one that forces parents to teach their kids that a. it's not ok to drink b. don't even think about saying penis or you will be on timeout.
Ok, so with that said, I really really really hope to not have to hear about this again, unless it's one of those "Remember the time when..." hahah good laughs and we move on...situations. If someone wants to discuss my behavior further, my AIM is dmai27, email - bhlee27@yahoo, or you have my cell.
Football will be sweet, Mtn View is going to be awesome and our after party even better. I hope to see everyone there!
Quite a lot of response to Bryant's Penis. However, truth be told it is small.
My 2 cents then I'll shut up. Here we go, real quick like.
- Tony apologized. And he was serious. Score one for the Koreans.
- Bryant was a little off balance. Perhaps he wanted attention. Either way he is also sorry for what he did. Score one point, minus half a point for drinking 4 shots of Sake in 2 minutes. Minus half a point because deep down I know Bryant is proud of what he did. =)
- "Seriously, who gives a fuck." Well it might seem harmless Steve. However, with my cousins there...one who knows who Bryant is might find what he did funny. Not because of the word, but because he shouted it. Sure it's cute and I wouldn't mind my kids running around saying "penis" but I'm not anyone's parent yet. Therefore even when I talk in public and I see kids around I'll at least try to keep it down for the sake of the kids. Minus half a point for Steve. +1 point for Steve smiling at Obon.
- If that was someone else I'd want to hit him also. -.5 points.
- Koreans aren't as smart as the Japanese. While this would seem like negative points, in this poll it actually adds points because they need the handicap. +1 point.
- We are older than shit and playing games like Penis. -2 points.
- So that brings our total up to...ZERO. That means it's a wash. In my mind that means that...YES it was idiotic. NO it isn't a huge deal, but it is a small deal. YES it was embarrassing. NO I don't hate Koreans. Well...YES I do.
Congrats guys you sneak by! =)
My 2 cents then I'll shut up. Here we go, real quick like.
- Tony apologized. And he was serious. Score one for the Koreans.
- Bryant was a little off balance. Perhaps he wanted attention. Either way he is also sorry for what he did. Score one point, minus half a point for drinking 4 shots of Sake in 2 minutes. Minus half a point because deep down I know Bryant is proud of what he did. =)
- "Seriously, who gives a fuck." Well it might seem harmless Steve. However, with my cousins there...one who knows who Bryant is might find what he did funny. Not because of the word, but because he shouted it. Sure it's cute and I wouldn't mind my kids running around saying "penis" but I'm not anyone's parent yet. Therefore even when I talk in public and I see kids around I'll at least try to keep it down for the sake of the kids. Minus half a point for Steve. +1 point for Steve smiling at Obon.
- If that was someone else I'd want to hit him also. -.5 points.
- Koreans aren't as smart as the Japanese. While this would seem like negative points, in this poll it actually adds points because they need the handicap. +1 point.
- We are older than shit and playing games like Penis. -2 points.
- So that brings our total up to...ZERO. That means it's a wash. In my mind that means that...YES it was idiotic. NO it isn't a huge deal, but it is a small deal. YES it was embarrassing. NO I don't hate Koreans. Well...YES I do.
Congrats guys you sneak by! =)
Jul 13, 2005
DISCLAIMER: SERIOUS BLOG AHEAD. AS USUAL...NOTHING ORGANIZED...
ILS was originally created as a way to share thoughts and to keep in touch with people who went away to school. Mainly it was a way that the founding members could keep up to date with one another without having to tell the same story over and over again. (This also prevented rumors from happening…not that we’ve ever had that problem or anything) With that in mind I decided to post a long one so Jonathan would have something to do at work.
The reason I brought the above up was because at Obon I noticed that my Prospect friends and my YBA friends really do get along. Now this isn’t something new of course, but it got me thinking about those crazy poker games that we used to play and it was akward in that I was putting friends of separate groups together. I had no clue how each group would react to each other. Yet just as Pooky has grown in members and have one place in which to speak to everyone (even though it seems some have retired from posting and/or people who have been given the fucking privilege to be on this blogger still don’t take advantage of it) I have been lucky enough to consolidate my closest friends into one group as well.
I’m also not saying that you all have me to thank for introducing you or anything like that. We all know that everyone had to make efforts to build on that initial introduction so I thank all of you for making it easy for me. (Of course I realize that some of you have tried multiple times to introduce me to other groups of friends that you have to which I can admit that I have never put full energy into building upon those introductions. We all know I’m an ass.) So what exactly is the point of all this? Nothing much except that when I was sitting down at a different table in the gym at the Obon…I was able to look over and see all of you guys laughing and having a good time. That moment right there made my Obon. (Bryant your antics except the PENIS was second in line) This also kind of has a hint of what Jonathan was saying about having friends that share your interests or wanting to be a kid at heart. I’m glad none of us take things to seriously and I hope we can continue to be that way. Some adults tend to lose their imaginations and their hopes and I hope we never get that way. I’m sure being surrounded by the idiots that we are will help retard the transition to adulthood.
So again…is there a bigger point here? Well I was thinking about what Jonathan was saying about how he is a kid at heart and I think I finally figured out why I haven’t backed up what I have said about going to Vegas and playing cards. You can go ahead and say that I’m scared of living on my own or crack jokes about how I don’t know what the real world is yet and I’ll somewhat agree with that, but the truth of the matter is that I am very scared of the idea that I might be able to do it. Can I do it? Who knows for sure. I can’t say that I am 100 percent confident that I could move up to higher and higher stakes poker. I’m a realist and I understand that about 2 percent of poker players can do it as a fulltime job. I’ve read a bunch of articles on “How to become a professional” and shit like that…but I am very scared of committing myself to the game of poker. Why you ask? Why am I being overdramatic about this?
The bottom line comes down to what Jonathan said about being a kid at heart. When you are a kid you have no care in the world. You have so much time to experiment, to kick back and relax and to try different things at your own pace. I’m scared because poker takes years of dedication and years of study to become good enough to make a living out of it. So to help you understand I put these scenarios that I constantly see in my head about my future.
Mission: Professional Gambler
I build up my bankroll steadily. I treat it as a job and therefore I try to spend 40 hrs or more not only trying to win overall, but also to study the game even more. I try to make it up to the higher levels where not only 2.5 - 3 Big Blinds an hour are an acceptable hourly wage, but make enough money to also buy into the larger tournaments where I can continue to work on my skill of poker. I am happy that I have made it. I love the game and everything about it. Yet in the back of my mind sits the creative part of me. I don’t get to paint much anymore and I sure as hell don’t get to direct films, however because I can make my own hours and make good money I can budget my own films Also my cholesterol is off the fucking charts.
Mission: Winner for Best Director…
I become a director. I actually sit the fuck down and start to practice my craft. I am constantly writing and I move to Los Angeles to pay my dues. I get a job as a fucking slave and do shit around the set. I don’t get any say in creative work, but I get valuable experience on the set. I sit around and believe it or not…I work hard and endure the hardships of making it in Hollywood. By some fucking miracle I make it as a director…however, because I worked so hard to make it a director…I lost my willingness to learn poker. Sure I can play it at higher stakes because I can afford it, but a piece of me will always wonder whether I could have made it at a poker player. Just like I said in the past, yes I take poker that seriously.
Mission: Rotoscoping Monkey
I go into Special FX with the emphasis on film. I take online classes for the next year and try to build up my demo reel. Hopefully I can come up with some solid work where I can go into a special FX company up in San Francisco since that is the place to be. I get to stay close to San Jose where it seems a lot of my friends are planting their roots. One of the added bonuses is that this can act as a side door into directing. Perhaps I make some contacts with other people who like to make films and there we can work on a smaller project that might lead to bigger things. Special FX uses my creativity even though not as much as directing. I don’t think I want to stay here for the rest of my life…but who knows.
Mission: Noah’s Manager
Shortly after being promoted I slit my wrists. No one misses me.
So those are what I see in my head. No one can tell me what I should or should not do because all of us are different in how we want to live our lives. Some of you might think that poker is a hobby and not a job. Some of you might think that I can’t direct worth shit and all that saved a project was Jonathan dancing.
The reality is that I have to choose one of these to become awesome at them. I have to choose one to dedicate years to accomplish what I want to accomplish in each field. And whichever one I choose will put the others on the back burner for an indefinite amount of time. Perhaps longer than I would want.
Well this problem doesn’t need to be solved or anything. I just posted this because the kid at heart thing kind of got me thinking and to explain why I haven’t gone to Vegas yet. So to all those who ask what am I going to do after I graduate…I honestly don’t know yet. In the meantime I’ll keep floating around…making nothing of my life and wasting what little talent I have on lox and bagels. =) G’nite.
ILS was originally created as a way to share thoughts and to keep in touch with people who went away to school. Mainly it was a way that the founding members could keep up to date with one another without having to tell the same story over and over again. (This also prevented rumors from happening…not that we’ve ever had that problem or anything) With that in mind I decided to post a long one so Jonathan would have something to do at work.
The reason I brought the above up was because at Obon I noticed that my Prospect friends and my YBA friends really do get along. Now this isn’t something new of course, but it got me thinking about those crazy poker games that we used to play and it was akward in that I was putting friends of separate groups together. I had no clue how each group would react to each other. Yet just as Pooky has grown in members and have one place in which to speak to everyone (even though it seems some have retired from posting and/or people who have been given the fucking privilege to be on this blogger still don’t take advantage of it) I have been lucky enough to consolidate my closest friends into one group as well.
I’m also not saying that you all have me to thank for introducing you or anything like that. We all know that everyone had to make efforts to build on that initial introduction so I thank all of you for making it easy for me. (Of course I realize that some of you have tried multiple times to introduce me to other groups of friends that you have to which I can admit that I have never put full energy into building upon those introductions. We all know I’m an ass.) So what exactly is the point of all this? Nothing much except that when I was sitting down at a different table in the gym at the Obon…I was able to look over and see all of you guys laughing and having a good time. That moment right there made my Obon. (Bryant your antics except the PENIS was second in line) This also kind of has a hint of what Jonathan was saying about having friends that share your interests or wanting to be a kid at heart. I’m glad none of us take things to seriously and I hope we can continue to be that way. Some adults tend to lose their imaginations and their hopes and I hope we never get that way. I’m sure being surrounded by the idiots that we are will help retard the transition to adulthood.
So again…is there a bigger point here? Well I was thinking about what Jonathan was saying about how he is a kid at heart and I think I finally figured out why I haven’t backed up what I have said about going to Vegas and playing cards. You can go ahead and say that I’m scared of living on my own or crack jokes about how I don’t know what the real world is yet and I’ll somewhat agree with that, but the truth of the matter is that I am very scared of the idea that I might be able to do it. Can I do it? Who knows for sure. I can’t say that I am 100 percent confident that I could move up to higher and higher stakes poker. I’m a realist and I understand that about 2 percent of poker players can do it as a fulltime job. I’ve read a bunch of articles on “How to become a professional” and shit like that…but I am very scared of committing myself to the game of poker. Why you ask? Why am I being overdramatic about this?
The bottom line comes down to what Jonathan said about being a kid at heart. When you are a kid you have no care in the world. You have so much time to experiment, to kick back and relax and to try different things at your own pace. I’m scared because poker takes years of dedication and years of study to become good enough to make a living out of it. So to help you understand I put these scenarios that I constantly see in my head about my future.
Mission: Professional Gambler
I build up my bankroll steadily. I treat it as a job and therefore I try to spend 40 hrs or more not only trying to win overall, but also to study the game even more. I try to make it up to the higher levels where not only 2.5 - 3 Big Blinds an hour are an acceptable hourly wage, but make enough money to also buy into the larger tournaments where I can continue to work on my skill of poker. I am happy that I have made it. I love the game and everything about it. Yet in the back of my mind sits the creative part of me. I don’t get to paint much anymore and I sure as hell don’t get to direct films, however because I can make my own hours and make good money I can budget my own films Also my cholesterol is off the fucking charts.
Mission: Winner for Best Director…
I become a director. I actually sit the fuck down and start to practice my craft. I am constantly writing and I move to Los Angeles to pay my dues. I get a job as a fucking slave and do shit around the set. I don’t get any say in creative work, but I get valuable experience on the set. I sit around and believe it or not…I work hard and endure the hardships of making it in Hollywood. By some fucking miracle I make it as a director…however, because I worked so hard to make it a director…I lost my willingness to learn poker. Sure I can play it at higher stakes because I can afford it, but a piece of me will always wonder whether I could have made it at a poker player. Just like I said in the past, yes I take poker that seriously.
Mission: Rotoscoping Monkey
I go into Special FX with the emphasis on film. I take online classes for the next year and try to build up my demo reel. Hopefully I can come up with some solid work where I can go into a special FX company up in San Francisco since that is the place to be. I get to stay close to San Jose where it seems a lot of my friends are planting their roots. One of the added bonuses is that this can act as a side door into directing. Perhaps I make some contacts with other people who like to make films and there we can work on a smaller project that might lead to bigger things. Special FX uses my creativity even though not as much as directing. I don’t think I want to stay here for the rest of my life…but who knows.
Mission: Noah’s Manager
Shortly after being promoted I slit my wrists. No one misses me.
So those are what I see in my head. No one can tell me what I should or should not do because all of us are different in how we want to live our lives. Some of you might think that poker is a hobby and not a job. Some of you might think that I can’t direct worth shit and all that saved a project was Jonathan dancing.
The reality is that I have to choose one of these to become awesome at them. I have to choose one to dedicate years to accomplish what I want to accomplish in each field. And whichever one I choose will put the others on the back burner for an indefinite amount of time. Perhaps longer than I would want.
Well this problem doesn’t need to be solved or anything. I just posted this because the kid at heart thing kind of got me thinking and to explain why I haven’t gone to Vegas yet. So to all those who ask what am I going to do after I graduate…I honestly don’t know yet. In the meantime I’ll keep floating around…making nothing of my life and wasting what little talent I have on lox and bagels. =) G’nite.
Jul 11, 2005
Obon
Good and fun times indeed.
On four hours of sleep, I got the donor sign done with a record-breaking high number of errors and low amount of design. Steve showed up an hour later than promised and offered a lot of laughs and very little help.
The taiko performance was cool. The rhythm, smiles and showmanship made me want to give it a try. Hmmm. And I realized that a girl keeping a fast beat on a big drum is quite a turn-on.
Considering the dire circumstances in which his bank account finds itself, I would start a Feed Ryan Sakamoto fund, but it's become clear that he would spend his last few dollars on sake shots for himself and everyone he knows.
I can't believe I missed the bulk of Bryant's bingo victory and Steve's red-faced response to maternal concern. And I can't believe I did NOT miss "the penis game."
More fun this coming weekend with Mountain View and our first official house party. Be there or be somewhere cooler.
The child within
The other day Tony and I were talking about how we still appreciate simple childish fun... goofing around and being silly... and we're glad that our friends share that and don't seem like they'll be taking life TOO seriously any time soon.
I wish you all could have come to the BBQ in El Cerrito on Sunday with Bryant and me. To my semi-surprise, we only knew a few people there, but I had a very good time lounging outside with fresh hot food and conversation with friends. But most importantly... they had a big trampoline in the backyard! After I got used to bouncing around on that thing (at first it looked like I had zero control and was going to hurt myself badly), I was trying to get as high as possible and come up with various poses to photo. I think I heard the others laugh and say "Look how happy he is!" I surely looked like a fool, but I couldn't stop smiling. My back is all achy today, but it was worth it.
There will be many more opportunities to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and I hope to be surrounded by those who can appreciate them with me. I may have a job and a house, but I'll always be a kid.
Good and fun times indeed.
On four hours of sleep, I got the donor sign done with a record-breaking high number of errors and low amount of design. Steve showed up an hour later than promised and offered a lot of laughs and very little help.
The taiko performance was cool. The rhythm, smiles and showmanship made me want to give it a try. Hmmm. And I realized that a girl keeping a fast beat on a big drum is quite a turn-on.
Considering the dire circumstances in which his bank account finds itself, I would start a Feed Ryan Sakamoto fund, but it's become clear that he would spend his last few dollars on sake shots for himself and everyone he knows.
I can't believe I missed the bulk of Bryant's bingo victory and Steve's red-faced response to maternal concern. And I can't believe I did NOT miss "the penis game."
More fun this coming weekend with Mountain View and our first official house party. Be there or be somewhere cooler.
The child within
The other day Tony and I were talking about how we still appreciate simple childish fun... goofing around and being silly... and we're glad that our friends share that and don't seem like they'll be taking life TOO seriously any time soon.
I wish you all could have come to the BBQ in El Cerrito on Sunday with Bryant and me. To my semi-surprise, we only knew a few people there, but I had a very good time lounging outside with fresh hot food and conversation with friends. But most importantly... they had a big trampoline in the backyard! After I got used to bouncing around on that thing (at first it looked like I had zero control and was going to hurt myself badly), I was trying to get as high as possible and come up with various poses to photo. I think I heard the others laugh and say "Look how happy he is!" I surely looked like a fool, but I couldn't stop smiling. My back is all achy today, but it was worth it.
There will be many more opportunities to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and I hope to be surrounded by those who can appreciate them with me. I may have a job and a house, but I'll always be a kid.
I've seen bits and pieces of American Psycho, but never really sat down and watched it all the way through. Anyhoo, I bought it last week and just got around to watching it tonight and just finished it right now at 7:30 in the morning. Let me first say that Bale is fucking awesome. Blah blah blah Batman blah blah blah...don't get me wrong. I like Batman. You all read how I said all of you would jock Batman. I like how he is crazy and dark just as Batman should be. Yet after seeing American Psycho...if I could chose to be any character that Christian Bale has portrayed I would choose Patrick Bateman of American Psycho. In fact I would rather see him fuck the Batman role and go back to Patrick Bateman.
To put it short, I want to kill people just like Patrick Bateman. He truly is a smooth serial killer...the axe to the face paired with Huey Lewis and the News was an especially nice touch. I heard the murders in the novel that the film was based on is described in an even more graphical way...looks like I got some reading to do.
Bye bye and have a nice day.
To put it short, I want to kill people just like Patrick Bateman. He truly is a smooth serial killer...the axe to the face paired with Huey Lewis and the News was an especially nice touch. I heard the murders in the novel that the film was based on is described in an even more graphical way...looks like I got some reading to do.
Bye bye and have a nice day.
To add to Steve's sentiments, Obon was a great time! I had lots o' fun and I hope you did too. This just adds to another year of memories at a fun place. I know it may feel like we're getting too old, but damn, just look at how I acted and we're still just kids. I saw/met so many people, it was really fun to be in that type of environment again. I really got to rehash the past with some and it was a time where I could just be me. And with what I've been going through, this is exactly what I needed, that break away from my thoughts.
The Penis game may have been over the top, so I apologize for that one. Koreans, we have NO shame. hahaha Talking about this one more, I really feel bad about this one. My intention is not to totally offend others with spoken word, lewd dancing and the running man are fine. There are kids around and I have to watch the language and have good clean, drunken fun. (PG - 13)
Thanks for everyone coming out and I can't wait to see everyone again for Mtn. View. Pics from Saturday are on my Xanga and Shannon you better believe Batman is meeting IBM!!!!
The Penis game may have been over the top, so I apologize for that one. Koreans, we have NO shame. hahaha Talking about this one more, I really feel bad about this one. My intention is not to totally offend others with spoken word, lewd dancing and the running man are fine. There are kids around and I have to watch the language and have good clean, drunken fun. (PG - 13)
Thanks for everyone coming out and I can't wait to see everyone again for Mtn. View. Pics from Saturday are on my Xanga and Shannon you better believe Batman is meeting IBM!!!!
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