Well, day two since everything has happened and I'm still ok. Taking things one day at a time and trying to keep a positive perspective on things. I decided it was time to thank some peeps for their insight and for just being there for a lovesick young fellow in San Luis Obispo.

Brendan - you're weight on this topic is just as good as anyone else. You've been there through it all and I've told you all my feelings. You gave me great advice and have supported me with whatever I've done. I know you weren't specifying Natalie in the end, I figured. But thanks for the explanation, it was an interesting analogy, but it made perfect sense.

Derek - I'll try to remember the bros...it's a little harder since everyone is so spread out (SJ, Sonoma, SD, Berkeley, SLO). Whether she's truly worth it or not...isn't up to me. I always thought she was, just because of the way she made me feel, but I can't rely on that...let God/fate take on where I go. But thanks for the support. I appreciate it. I hear you're in my neck of the woods now, can't wait to see your new place.

Brian - Thanks for the insight. I know being friends will be tough, this will take some time, but in the end I think Nat and I will be good friends. But, of course, I'll never forget about my feelings for her. Only time will tell where I go. Time sucks! hehe

Steve - Why are our relationships the basis for everyone else to work with? hehe I hope we're giving everyone experience on what to do and what not to do (Brendan I hope you're listening to what we go through, STAY AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS! j/k). I'm glad that you listen to me about my optimistic stuff. I've been trying to smile and keep my head up. Thanks for being there, even though you're the farthest away, it's comforting to know that you're there for me.

Terri, Ricki, Kristin, Monique - Thanks for all your support and advice. All of you have proven to me that I have some awesome friends who will always be there for me. Thanks Monique and Kristin for boosting my confidence and letting me know there are other fish in the sea. Ricki, lil sis, even though you're young, you've given great advice and have taught me a lot. Terri, even though it's been a while since you've had to deal with things like this, thanks for sharing your experiences w/ me and just being totally supportive.

Andy, Kevin - Even if they don't read this thing at all, I want you all to know that these guys have been taking care of me in SLO. Keeping my mind occupied and gave me an ear when no one else could be here. Without them, I don't know if I could get through this. Thanks for everything.

I might not have appreciated my friendships before, but know that I fully appreciate all that you guys have done for me. I'll be here for any of you always and you can be sure I'll make time for you if needed. And for all of you, I'll try to keep smiling. Thanks again, much love to you all, Latez =D

Okay now that I'm awake and have gotten to read my story...sorry for the confusion...ugh if you look at the time I posted I probably wasn't thinking gramatically correct. I just wanted to clarify something in my story...
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Okay as a side note just to make sure you don't take my story the wrong way...this blog is almost done don't get all antsy on me now...don't think that it is impossible to stay on a plane...the difference is that while you might have to jump out every once in a while both you guys were aware of where you were going. In turn both of you guys will buy tickets to the same destination and eventually get there together! =)
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When I said both of you I DID NOT MEAN you and NAT. I cannot tell the future. I do not know what will happen. What I meant to say (and didn't come out right) was that in future relationships with whomever there will still be ups and downs. But if both you and your girlfriend are on the same wavelength you will work through it. I just want to make sure that you don't give up on love just because of some experiences in the past. Get it? Good. Sorry for the fucked up story.

By the way...DEREK:

God?

Gay.

So there.

To Bryant: I know that my advice might not carry as much weight as the rest of our group but at least know that I understand. I'm kind of like one of those fish that give hickies to sharks...I experience things through all you guys but since I'm on the outside I tend to see things differently. When the shark eats something I'm not going "mmmm that was good"...I'm saying "holy shit that's fucked up" but since the shark is the one eating he is thinking it is okay. Hmmm...bad description...Anyways no ranting about movies or games just some thoughts flowing through the keyboard...

I still don't believe there is a right and a wrong way of doing things when it comes to relationships. In a relationship we open ourselves up and become vulnerable. What is worse is that we open up our heart which is essentially our strongest and weakest weapon. Natalie and you were at different places in your lives. Obviously when you guys thought you were okay after you talked in San Jose both of you held stuff back. Both of you went away from each other thinking different things. The feelings you guys hid came out while you were apart because it is easier to be honest with someone when there is some distance between you guys. Either way through this new found honesty I believe that you realized that it was not going to work right now. So in turn you felt as if you should be honest with her and tell her you shouldn't talk to her. After hearing things about the relationship through you I feel you made the "right" decision based on what you felt was "right". The biggest thing is that even though both of you were close you couldn't settle it face to face. Don't read into this the wrong way...its not your fault or hers...it just didn't work.

Another stupid analogy...both you and Nat get on a plane. We'll call this plane Relationship Airlines. Both you guys decide to ride together but then realize you bought tickets to different destinations. Both of you talk about compromise but in the back of your guys' head your thinking that your vacation spot is nicer. You try to control the plane towards your vacation spot and she is trying to control the plane to her spot. Suddenly the plane loses control and hits turbulence because both you guys are steering towards different directions. You try to get control of the plane but it just won't get back on track. Nat jumps in and tries to help but since both you guys are on different wavelengths and have different solutions to the common turbulence the plane won't straighten out. Suddenly the plane loses control and both you guys have to jump out. You jump out and in typical Bryant fashion you start to fall hard. Hurling down towards the Earth at some God forsaken speed you start to think all is lost. You feel empty because somewhere along the line you should have seen the turbulence coming. You start to think about what went wrong and you start questioning yourself about whether she had the right solution or you had the right solution. Either way the Earth is starting to get a little closer and you can feel your stomach coming out of your throat. What the fuck happened? What am I going to do? Why did all this happen? Here is the catch...while your hurling down you of course are panicking. Since you are all panicked and stressed you forget about this parachute on your back. This parachute is filled with the good things in your life. It consists of your family and friends and the bright future you have waiting for you. This is what will slow your descent. It will not make it go back up because that is not what the life of your parachute allows. It can only help you hit the ground gently...its just that when you were falling you totally shut out your parachute because you were panicked. So now you are falling gently but you still can't help Natalie out. You have to let her figure out how she wants to handle her jumping by herself. I can already hear you guys' going what the fuck is he talking about. Here is the summary.

It is okay to feel lost. It is okay to feel sad and panicked but you have to eventually come to terms and think about what you are going to do to cope with it. All of us on this blog will help find you if you need us. You just have to have the confidence in yourself that you made the right decision. Of course by the "right" decision I mean you felt it was the right thing to do. And that my friend is more than you could ever ask of yourself. You realized that maybe this is unhealthy for me right now and you remedied it. Now its only going to take some time for you to get back on another plane. You might think that you might never fly again after that horrible experience but then again do you wanna walk for the rest of your life? I know your saying that I've been walking and it doesn't seem to bother me...but you are mistaken...I just have an invisible McLaren F-1 with the license plate that reads SELFISH. Anyways onto the epilogue of my fun story...

After sometime has passed you are back up in the air flying. Just as you will never ever forget your fall from the plane before you will always have a place for Natalie in your heart. Suddenly you notice Natalie at the airport waiting in line to buy a ticket. It is important for you to not forget about what happened in the past. By then you know you will be a better person for all the pain you had to endure. Did she buy a ticket to the same destination as you this time? Who knows? You might see her two rows ahead of you or heading towards a different terminal...point is you can't worry about it...you just have to let it be. And while doing that be happy, optimistic and hopeful towards all bright things in the present and future...you know...in typical Bryant fashion. =)

Okay as a side note just to make sure you don't take my story the wrong way...this blog is almost done don't get all antsy on me now...don't think that it is impossible to stay on a plane...the difference is that while you might have to jump out every once in a while both you guys were aware of where you were going. In turn both of you guys will buy tickets to the same destination and eventually get there together! =)

Okay I'm done...sorry if this was so long...I hope this helps Bryant. It might seem a little strange but if you are confused give me a call...I just figured with a story it would be more fun to read. Excuse the typos...like I said...thoughts through the keyboard...For all those who thought this story was stupid...we love stupid right?

PS: I will admit this now...I watch Girls Club. It is my new show. I like the way Gretchen smiles so there! Just thought you guys could take your shots before I see you in person.

hmm.. maybe i shoud have rephrased myself.

I guess bitter blogs are fun when the bitterness is happening to me. i'll go into this more on my blog. I don't wanna talk about it right now.

yes bryant, i totally agree with you. Being that you are the optimistic one, I truly pains me to see you suffering like this. I know that when you write something bitter that something is very wrong. I wish things could be better for you. I wish things would have worked out. I wish there was something i/we could do for u. I know things are sucking pretty bad right now, but it's just like what you told me when i was going through all my funk, "things will get better". It's too bad that you have to wait for that better-ness to come around, but maybe it's better that way. Because then you'll appreciate the sunny days over the cloudy ones. I know what it's like to have to push someone far away from you because you know it's the best thing for you. My friend told me once "it's a lot easier to do something that's bad for you in the long run but makes you feel okay, than to do something that is good for you in the long run but makes you feel horrible". I had to push someone away from me, and for the longest time I hated the distance that i had created between me and her. it hurts. it sucks. it blows. but it's necessary. I found that when the feelings for her were gone, i was able to talk to her and be a better friend. I'll have to agree with brian however...i found that it was way too difficult to be friends after i had done so much to try and become her BF. time can heal, but emotions have a tricky way of hiding away and popping up at the worst possible moments. Kind of like erections when you're going through puberty. Sorry.

It took a lot of balls to do what you did. props.

i hate cliches, but "just give it time". Once you get over her, you'll feel better, and then you'll really see if the friendship is truly worth it.

keep your head up. As always, if there's anything i can do, let me know asap. take care buddy.

Whee, I love to impluse buy! I did pretty well on my midterms, and to celebrate I went out and bought a game cube... Now i'm just a farming maniac :) I'm actually having a lot of fun with that system, and Animal Crossing = best game ever. I happened to buy Eternal Darkness and Resident Evil (To keep with the October spirit), and they're pretty fun as well. ED was a fun adventure, and Resident Evil looks too damn good. I'm just running around in the game to see all the neat backgrounds.

Uh yeah... Let's see what else... Went to see Ring tonight. Damn, I'll be having nightmares for a little while! That movie wins the most creepy in my book. It's so refreshing to have a movie like this compared to all the hack and slash shiet that's out there now. The night before I was up late watching Candyman 3 (oooo) and the only thing that would have scared me was the "jumping" scenes. I'm thankful that Ring is much more. Go see it guys! (And I agree with Brendan about the ending(s)!)

Oh, I came across a neat little demo while surfing the internet the other day... Animusic has a neat little video of a program that renders some crazy 3D scenes to midi music. I can't explain it too well, but it definitely takes way more CS skill than I will ever have. If I get the DVD you guys have to see it!

As you can guess I'm now a "consumer whore." Hopefully this'll end, and I can get back to *cough* saving for that car.

Hmmm, and as for the icon, I suck at drawing/photo shopping, so it'll probably take me at least a year to come up with something decent!

Bleh, can't think of anything meaningful to end this little blog, so I might as well get some Z's....

Edit: Well, I see Bryant has made a post as well! I gotta say man, that takes some major courage to do what you've done, I'm proud of ya... I think you're definitely heading in the right direction! Keep your head up! Here's my personal insight, take it as you will... During a break-up it's so much easier to pretend not to care, but it hurts YOU more in the end. By telling her that you need time away, you're giving each other time to adjust to the new life. "Getting over" someone takes various amounts of time depending on the person, and this buffer time allows you to re-think without making more drama. When you've become comforatable with yourself you can start to reach out again. Personally, I'm starting to think the whole friends after lovers thing is just a twisted little joke. It is certainly possible, but not right away. I fell into that trap before and it's no good. Besides, time away doesn't mean you automatically forget about each other, it's just putting your life back into some semblance of order. "To repair a building that has a faulty foundation, you must tear it all down and start anew." Just my 2 cents.

Well guys, here is where I am at today. I have officially had one of the hardest nights of my life. I had to tell someone I really cared about that I didn't want to talk w/ them anymore for a while. What sparked this was we were talking and she told me that she was talking w/ a couple of guys. No dating or nothing like that. Just meeting two guys and wanted to get to know them more. I was devastated and of course I was hurt, my heart broke in two. And I realized that if I am to get over someone, the best thing I can do for now is to not talk with them (if anyone has a better solution, I would love to hear it). It's unhealthy for me to think that I can get over her by being her friend right now and being totally unbiased. It was naive of me to think that I could do that. So I told her. She didn't take it too well at first because she thought that I was jumping to conclusions, that she would actually date them. But does it matter? It didn't because whether she's dating someone new or not, I still care for her. While we were talking, I almost broke down in tears because I knew I would miss talking with her. But I know inside that this is what I have to do. To truly become her friend, I have to be over her. That's only fair for both of us. And I'm not ruling out that our paths will cross again someday, but I can't put as much stock and hope into it as before. I need to let fate decide how my future rolls, because I can't control it. Like in a conversation like this, it never ends on a good note, but I think we ended it the best we could. We both have an understanding and she told me that if I ever need to talk, to call her.

It sucks because we want different things. I wanted a relationship w/ someone I loved, but she wasn't sure what she wanted, so it wasn't fair to keep me hanging on. I'm totally glad she was honest with me about everything and told me that she might have interest in someone. I appreciated it. I know she still cares about me and still loves me. She has shown me nothing but kindness during this whole thing, which makes things even harder. It would be so much easier to stop talking to someone if they were being a bitch to me or something, but she never was. But she is young and she's got so much of the world to see and people to meet, it wouldn't be unfair of me to hold her back. And it's not like I'm totally anti-social, but I know who my real friends and those who I want to be friends w/ in the future. I've done the partying, I've done the meeting of people, and I'm content where I'm at. Timing is a bitch and it's always going to be my biggest foe. I just hope I didn't fuck these things up because I would hate to ruin a potential friendship that her and I could have.

As for bitter blogs being fun, they are, but I don't want to be bitter anymore. I want to be the same optimistic, happy Bryant that I once was. So until that happens, you guys won't hear anymore about this. I think I've written plenty about my relationship and my crying over how I'm so out of luck. It's over. Time for the healing to begin. Where do I start?

Okay I will keep this short. I know I haven't written anything important in this blog EVER but I need to bring your attention to this one only because it bugs me! So when I rant on and on about this one you will know what I'm talking about.

Final Fantasy X-2.

1. NO Final Fantasy has had a sequel.
2. Sounds good on paper. I loved FFX.
3. Square have awesome design artists.

Subtract all these and you get this...(I don't know how much they update so depending on when your reading this you might not be able to see it.)

http://www.gamespydaily.com/screenshots/index.asp?id=12256

Excuse me Square...what happened?

sorry if my posts are bitter

but lets face it. Talking about the way life jacks u is a lot more fun. Yes we all have some good stuff on our plates. But I dont like talking about it!!!

So i get an A on my test or i find two hundred dollars on the floor. "Hey guys! I got an A on my test!" Who cares??? except for me? no one. On the other hand, if i start talking about how I overslept and was all pissed and in my anger I slammed my own fingers in the door. Well, hell, that's fucking funny. And then we can all go into a funny conversation about stupid shit we've done when we've been in a rush.

I'm not bitter. Life is good.

But talking about my own personal gains makes me feel arrogant and selfish. I do'nt like that. And because "the japanese side" of my upbringing thought of bragging as the lowest of the low, i can't do it. I don't like talking about how the sun is shining in my life. I'd rather hear about your good day, then critique my own

I'd rather talk about the time i tripped on a rock, and hurt my foot. Then we can all laugh at it, which helps me cuz i can laugh at myself. Then i can see what i've learned from it, thus turning a painful experience into a learning experience.

Don't get me wrong. It's wonderful to see the good shit in life.

But creative conversations joking about stupid stuff that's happened to u during the day is a lot more fun =)

to me, jon's blog was funny. It shows he's still human and that even bitches who can't make a fist can have bad days..hehe jk

rooms a mess time to clean

midterm tomorrow about the universe!! I'm gonna put all my answers down as either "pluto", "your ass", or "I'm not the one with the degree dumbshit. Why don't you ask yourself?"

Okay so my class for 1:00 was cancelled. However I was not happy about it. My next class is at 7:30 pm. This means that when I got out of my class at 12:00 I found out I had seven fucking hours for a break. What the fuck am I going to do for seven fucking hours? So I decided to go see Ring. Holy jeezus shit. Now these are just my opinions so don't get mad at me if you don't like it.

I overall enjoyed it. There were times when I said (screamed inside my head) "what the fuck!?! The director can't do that! That's fucking dirty!" This of course does not mean the movie was bad but rather when the predictable does not happen when you are ready. It only happens as the shit peaks out your ass. Now I don't think that I scare too easily and I am one of those people where I can see shit coming (ahem...Six Sense sucked shit) but I was fucking delusional while watching this.

"Scariest movie since Blair Witch Project" raves L.A. Times. First of all Blair Witch is bullshit. The only people that like Blair Witch are fucking FOBS only because they can understand it without translation. The only shit they needed to know was in fact "oh shit". Ring is by far superior. If you liked Blair Witch...get on the fucking boat...the village needs you now for the annual monkey throwing competition. (They can throw humans that far?)

There are actually two endings within the movie. The first ending...you know that scared feeling you get when something could happen to you...you feel that for 30 seconds nonstop. It was great. The conclusion...without saying anything about it for those that haven't seen it...the ending was horseshit. Way to go Hollywood for taking it one step too far...I hope they didn't buy the rights to the two Japanese sequels and prequel. Either way the point of this paragraph is that Akira will suck shit because they will fuck up the ending. Wheee.

Oh by the way I found out that I could watch Noami Watts without the lesbian sex scenes. Simply amazing. =)

Now since I have been doing nothing useful in this blog I will say a few kind words about...myself. Yay. I'm doing good. I've got motivation. I'm working on my webpage again. I actually feel like writing a script about all of us. I already pitched the idea to Jon. He liked it. Hopefully you will too. Grand Theft Auto comes out soon. I'm happy. Finally get to sell back Socom. Well that is all I've been up too...jack shit.

As a friendly reminder to Mr. Asai. I will fucking make your icon look gay if you don't get something up. I will make yours the stain upon this blog. Get drawing now! By the way...THIS BLOG IS BY BRANDON FOUR PEEPL HOO KANT REED SO FUKKING GOOD...AHEM...DARRICK.

Derek Derek Derek... if Steve had posted that blog, do you really think the note would say "Steve your last blog... when [I lived] in Florida..."
And I'm the one living at home.
Also, I'm the one sporting the silver bullet steez.
And I'm the one who plays tennis enough to complain about it.

But anyways, Steve and I have been hanging out for a really long time.
Too long, some might say.
But those some are just whiny sissies who bitch over petty shiet like cookies and phoneclicks. =D
My point being, from time to time Steve and I express our bitterness and anger in similar fashion.
And all you have to do is read the name at the end of the post.

Oh and the "note" thing is in fact an untapped resource that I haven't told anyone about. That resource might just be called ingenuity though. So now you know. And knowing is half the not getting laid.

In other news, I am in a good mood because I just watched Made and all the special features (after posting this I'm gonna watch the commentary). The extra scenes are hilarious... for some reason I especially cracked up when Ricky (Vince Vaughn) tells Horrace (Faizon Love) when they're at the zoo, "that sniffing shit is revolting, there are kids around." I think it was in Alternate Scenes... Hehe revolting. Gotta use that some time.