Well guys, here is where I am at today. I have officially had one of the hardest nights of my life. I had to tell someone I really cared about that I didn't want to talk w/ them anymore for a while. What sparked this was we were talking and she told me that she was talking w/ a couple of guys. No dating or nothing like that. Just meeting two guys and wanted to get to know them more. I was devastated and of course I was hurt, my heart broke in two. And I realized that if I am to get over someone, the best thing I can do for now is to not talk with them (if anyone has a better solution, I would love to hear it). It's unhealthy for me to think that I can get over her by being her friend right now and being totally unbiased. It was naive of me to think that I could do that. So I told her. She didn't take it too well at first because she thought that I was jumping to conclusions, that she would actually date them. But does it matter? It didn't because whether she's dating someone new or not, I still care for her. While we were talking, I almost broke down in tears because I knew I would miss talking with her. But I know inside that this is what I have to do. To truly become her friend, I have to be over her. That's only fair for both of us. And I'm not ruling out that our paths will cross again someday, but I can't put as much stock and hope into it as before. I need to let fate decide how my future rolls, because I can't control it. Like in a conversation like this, it never ends on a good note, but I think we ended it the best we could. We both have an understanding and she told me that if I ever need to talk, to call her.

It sucks because we want different things. I wanted a relationship w/ someone I loved, but she wasn't sure what she wanted, so it wasn't fair to keep me hanging on. I'm totally glad she was honest with me about everything and told me that she might have interest in someone. I appreciated it. I know she still cares about me and still loves me. She has shown me nothing but kindness during this whole thing, which makes things even harder. It would be so much easier to stop talking to someone if they were being a bitch to me or something, but she never was. But she is young and she's got so much of the world to see and people to meet, it wouldn't be unfair of me to hold her back. And it's not like I'm totally anti-social, but I know who my real friends and those who I want to be friends w/ in the future. I've done the partying, I've done the meeting of people, and I'm content where I'm at. Timing is a bitch and it's always going to be my biggest foe. I just hope I didn't fuck these things up because I would hate to ruin a potential friendship that her and I could have.

As for bitter blogs being fun, they are, but I don't want to be bitter anymore. I want to be the same optimistic, happy Bryant that I once was. So until that happens, you guys won't hear anymore about this. I think I've written plenty about my relationship and my crying over how I'm so out of luck. It's over. Time for the healing to begin. Where do I start?