Re: Layoffs

After 5 months in my bookmarks, hey let's spark this conversation up again.

Thanks Brian for sharing your experience and insight. Sounds like it got very stressful for you, so I'm glad you found your current job and hope you don't have to go through that situation again. At least you don't have a kid... that would've compounded the stress to ulcer status. Or maybe you'd go all Cinderella Man and deliver a gimme job punch FTW.

We all complain about our jobs from time to time, and many less fortunate people would rightly deem such behavior smackworthy. We shouldn't forget that a boring or frustrating day at work is better than a panicked sense of helplessness and life ruination.

That being said, apparently I'm all about making my career less and less stable. So, I have some thoughts from this experience.

In school and shortly after, I'd have thought it crazy to not have a job. Our parents taught us we should be working and saving money for a house, kids, retirement, etc. A friend who left SocialChorus before I did, also to be unemployed and income-free, had said it was one of the best decisions she'd ever made. This fascinated me and made me less scared and more curious. Then doing it myself, giving up a good steady paycheck and having to find my own health insurance, oh yeah and with a mortgage, my mind was opened to a whole new world of possibility. Breaking free of the rules I thought I had to follow, I now feel much more free and in control of my own career and future. If I don't like my job, I can quit. I've done it before and survived. I can take time off, travel, train myself, work as a freelance contractor, maybe do part-time work and spend more time on hobbies. I can go work in another city or state (or country?) for a while and see if I like it. I'm still on track to die alone, but at least that long solo road doesn't have to be so repetitive. It'll be interesting to see where this leads. Of course, it's possible because I spent all those years saving a good portion of my income.

On the other hand, my self-doubt and worry haven't vanished completely. Although Web and mobile development are going strong and will be for the foreseeable future, and Ruby on Rails is a very hot technology to know right now... I'd still be somewhat nervous if I really needed a job and was going in for an interview. Will I present myself well? Will my experience seem valuable to them? What if I choke on a tough coding challenge? What if my salary demands are too high and hyperintelligent kids willing to take much less make me a less-bang-for-buck hire? I've been on both sides of the hiring desk and know it's hard to evaluate a candidate and hard to prove value to a company without doing a nontrivial amount of real work.

Anyway, I'm sure we'll come back to this topic. Pretty sure we're not all in our dream job situations yet. It'll be interesting to see what's ahead.

Re: Hara-Kiri Death of a Samurai

Ah, Google says my comment is too long to be a comment.

Good recommendation! Interesting, emotional, and beautifully shot. I'm really glad I took your advice and went in totally blank. Very interesting seeing the plot unfold. I watched the trailer after the fact, which reveals waaaay too much. Seriously, what were they thinking.

I was quickly intrigued by the mystery of the suicide requests. Why do the samurai want to do it in this particular place? What is Hanshiro's motivation? Why do they keep showing that armor with the moustache? (I don't remember if it actually had one, but you know what I'm talking about.)

So even after the "suicide bluff" phenomenon was explained, by the time Motome's story was being told, I'd assumed that (a) the true story would be revealed over time, and (b) the Ii house guys, like me, didn't know what was really going on.

So that's part of why I didn't necessarily feel Motome got what he deserved. Why was he really there? Why would one more day make a difference? Why didn't he eat his snack? These questions were already running through my mind.

The other part is that, to my modern Americanized mind, the punishment just does not fit the crime. A horribly painful death because you tried to scam someone out of some change? No three strikes, no take-backs. Harsh. I generally don't like solving problems with violence.*

But "In Okinawa... honor very serious".

I get that there's the whole Japanese/bushido honor thing, which I guess is what the whole movie is questioning. You said you'd do it, so now you gotta do it. It's a disgrace to lie and make a mockery of a serious ceremony for money. And the Ii house was annoyed with all these time-sucking solicitors, making them get all dressed up and "places, everyone" for nothing.

Bottom line: The movie didn't make me feel more or less judgmental than usual, partly because I made assumptions about how the movie storytelling would go. On one hand, I judge things and people all the time and know I can be very critical of others. But at the same time I've heard enough stories, made enough mistakes and been in enough behavior-changing bad moods to usually keep in mind that you never know what other people have been through or are going through, and if you did know you'd probably be more forgiving. Please join me in gassho.

It's to the point that if a stranger punched me in the face for no apparent reason I think I'd be way more curious than angry, plus slightly amused by the randomness of it. What happened in his day or his life that would make him do so? Did I accidentally turn and hit him with my backpack, possibly spilling a drink? Do I look a lot like the guy who stole his girlfriend? Did he just decide I have a punchworthy face? Of course, if it turns out he's just drunk or racist or laughs about it with his friends after, it would all turn to anger and the guy would reap hell.

Anyway, good movie and good conversation starter. On the brighter side of it, I thought two scenes were particularly heartwarming: 1) Hanshiro and Miho sharing manju: "it tastes better with someone", and 2) Hanshiro having a ball with Kingo's first solid food ceremony.

Oh and one last note. When they showed the seppuku ceremony setup for Hanshiro, I thought "Ohhhh I get it, this guy is Motome's samurai buddy and this is the one way to find out who the second in the ceremony was that made Motome's death so much more painful and long than it had to be. He's about to get revenge and chop fools up." Yes, I assumed they were friends because facial hair does not add twenty years, people. When it turned out Hanshiro was old enough to be Motome's dad... I was like oh... okay... really? And checking just now, the actors' ages: Hanshiro (35), Motome (30), Miho (27). Yeah.

* There are times when even in my anti-violent mind, harsh punishments are called for... in the movies at least. Last night on Steve's recommendation I watched The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Part 1 of the Swedish series, not sure if that's the one he meant). I won't risk spoilers, but suffice to say there is a character you quickly hate and think "Okay, something terrible HAS to happen to this person, and whatever punishment they get, they deserve." It's a very different situation though because it's very clear what kind of person this character is, and there is no chance they have a justifying backstory or motivation. Mess that fool UP.

Hara-kiri Death of a Samurai

For those that have Netflix, I recommend you look up the movie "Hara-kiri Death of a Samurai" and check it out when you have 2 hours of free time.  It's a remake of Masaki Kobayashi's "Harakiri."  I picked it out because I've been looking at Takeshi Miike's work - I find that I like a few of his movies but utterly repulsed by some others (I'm looking at you, Audition.)  If you have seen the original, I'm not sure that this version adds much - someone else will have to tell me about it.

I highly recommend going in there with no expectations about what the movie is about.  So if you are planning to see this movie sometime in the future, don't read on.  I want to rehash what I ended up seeing and feeling while watching the movie...

We good?  Ok, here we go...

This movie is the very first movie that had made me feel ashamed of myself.  The whole first half of the movie was framed in such a way that I thought Motome deserved everything he received - that his begging for one more day (and not his life) was cowardly.

The second half then showed the tragedy behind Motome.  It told me of the rough life he endured and the true sacrifice he was making for his family.  His begging for one more day wasn't for himself, but for his family.  His "cowardly" act was actually one of true honor.

This movie taught me to be a little more compassionate and empathetic.  The movie made me feel like a judgmental bastard and had me face the truth about myself.  It's weird the effect this movie had on me "in real life."

See it - the original or the remake (but just not in 3D!).  Let me know if I'm the only one that felt that shame :)

Humble Bundle Weekly Sale

Just a quick blerb...  I know we've talked about the Humble Bundle before, but I wanted to let everyone know on here that there's a Humble Bundle Weekly sale going on right now 5/30 - 6/5.

It includes a bunch of adventure games (Point and click, remember back in the day?) but of note are the following games:

Back To The Future
The Walking Dead

I HIGHLY recommend both of these games - the Back To The Future game is a great piece of nostalgia - the voice acting is awesome (MJF has a doppleganger.  This guy is unmistakeable.  "Doc" comes back to do his voice work!)  The Walking Dead is a great piece of adventure gaming - it's a fresh take on the old point and click.  The story is great even if you don't follow the series (I don't, so I didn't get some of the references, but the story is still good)

You'll also get a Sam and Max game (I hate to say this, but Meh...), a poker game (pretty bad, but has it's funny moments) and a few other games I haven't tried.

If you like adventure games of old, I'll say this is a no brainer!

https://www.humblebundle.com/weekly

Let me know if you do!  I want to talk a little bit about the games :)

Layoffs

So today, I was going through cleaning out some extra files on my hard drive (I'm a pretty exciting person to hang around on the weekends!) and I came across my Oracle lay off letter:

The separation date was probably closer to July.

I remember this day pretty well - all of us at the office were nervous.  We knew that the e-mails were coming to let us know what life had in store for us.  Letters rolled in around 10:00 AM - you could hear all around the office the sighs of relief, the quiet congratulations/condolences...  My manager got a letter well before I was to receive mine.  His job was safe, he was going to be doing something comparable.  12:00 rolls around and a few of us still hadn't gotten letters so I was getting nervous.  I knew my chances were slim, but I was holding out some hope.  Then my boss calls me into his office and lets me down gently.  He tells me that I was not going to be offered continued employment and that I would be let go after we finish our current projects.  He was really good about it and I knew that wasn't a very pleasant conversation to have...  I got back to my desk and saw the letter above.  I definitely went home for the day to process the fact that I was going to be laid off.

Now before I continue my story, I want to make something clear - I know I was extremely lucky to get a longer notice and that I had a really cool boss that understood how to handle the coming stressful months...

Anyway, moving on...

The weeks following the notice were pretty rough.  I had so many thoughts run through my mind every day...  How long will we have before our savings run out after I lose my job?  Will I be able to find a job on this level again? (The job I was losing was my first taste of serious corporate life.)  Will I have to go back to slanging coffee?  How do I cut costs now and how much can I start saving before the inevitable deadline?

I remember that the months after this announcement were filled with worry.   I no longer felt financially secure.  I thought about all that money wasted that I probably should have saved...  I cursed my poor choices in the past and knew I should have been better prepared for something like this.  We were vulnerable and that feeling was the worst.  Every check I got after the letter needed to be guarded, every dollar saved in case it came down to the wire.

Resumes went out by the dozens - I was pretty indiscriminate about my next job, just as long as it was a job.  I sent resumes for anything I was remotely qualified for - even if there was a large pay cut.  I just knew I needed to get out there and interview.  The horror stories about people being out of work for years crossed my mind.  We couldn't possibly survive me being out of work for that long...

For all the resumes I sent out in the three months, I only got 2 responses back.  One was for an HR assistant job at a video game company.  Not to sound snobby, but the job was a bit of a step down from what I was doing...  It was mostly admin work with a low possibility of moving up.  I took it because it was a video game company!  Oddly enough when I went in to interview, I completely bombed it.  It was one of the worst interviews I had ever given.  I left feeling pretty crushed.  If I couldn't even pass an interview I knew I was overqualified for, what possible chance did I have finding something comparable?

The second one turned out to be the job I have currently.  I realize that this doesn't usually happen, especially in times of layoffs, but don't let that take away from my next message.

I write this because I want others to know how I felt about being laid off.  I hope no one reading this ever gets laid off, but the cold fact is that lay offs happen in our world.  It's uncontrollable and it's something that can happen with little warning.

It's OK to feel the self-doubt and worry.  We wouldn't be human if we never felt this way.  The only advice I have is to keep trying and believe in yourself again.  Sounds corny, but it's truth.  Don't give up.  Even if you think you're being laid off from your dream job, remember all the little irritations that you still have about the job.  Keep looking and find the things about the jobs you apply for that you might enjoy.  Throw your name out there - tell your story to people.  You may find you know someone that can help you out.  Go into interviews not with thoughts of desperation, but of confidence.  Believe that your ex-company is making a mistake for letting you go and that the next company can benefit from someone who wouldn't normally be out looking for a job.

A little response

Death of Reader/iGoogle

Ah man, I was just getting used to having the internet at my fingertips with Google and they go and shut down two of my favorite parts!  Now I have to find a good reader AND a good home page...  I've been experimenting with the design and layout but it hasn't been perfect.



It'll take me at least a few months to get used to it!

Mechanical Keyboards

After a few more days of playing with this thing, I'm finally starting to get the hang of being able to type accurately.  The idea of the mechanical keyboard is that you don't have to press the button all the way down when typing ("Bottom out" in keyboard jargon).  That way it saves a little bit on fatigue and allows for quicker typing.  The brown switches provide a little "bump" when a key is pressed about a quarter of the way to let you know you won't have to push down any further.  To be honest, I'm not sure if there's a true definition of a gaming keyboard.  I like this one for gaming because it allows me to quickly tap a key if I need to in an FPS or RTS.  Kind of like this guy.  It is a little noisy, but I kind of like that solid sounding keyboard.  I do love me some Mac keyboards though...  I am a big fan of the feel.

Japan - Tokyo Disney/DisneySea
OK, so I'm still a little jet lagged so you'll get a post about Japan...  It started off pretty great - we landed in Tokyo and managed to fumble our way down to our hotel near Tokyo Disney.  I don't want to cover Tokyo Disney too much, but suffice to say that it's pretty faithful to the Southern California version.

DisneySea is where it's at!  Everything was themed so nicely and there was so much more to see and do...  I don't have a whole lot of scenic pictures, but see below...

A volcano in the middle of the park!

Venice?

Very tasty!

This park felt so much bigger and each "port" had so much detail crammed into it...  The pictures really don't do it justice, but every corner of the park was a sight to see.  It's a little overwhelming...

(Finally getting tired, I'll edit this post later!)