the happiest place

This was one of the best trips I've ever gone on. Laughs aplenty with wholesome Disney family fun... nice, very nice. I wish you all could have come along (all of Team Pooky, not you other chuckas reading for kicks). I still struggle to recall all the things we discussed and cracked up about. Unfortunately, most of the jokes you had to be there for and will now be out of context. But here are some of the hopefully-relatable highlights:

- During the drive down south, we were laughing about my painful history as usual, and Ricki asked if horseback riding crushes the balls. Brendan chimes in, "Jon's balls are small, they don't stick out much." I clarified the point, "They barely stick out at all, they're like buttons." Everyone seemed to enjoy a good laugh at that while I sat, sad and shocked at receiving neither comfort nor sympathy. They could at least serve a purpose, like lift a toe, anything...

- Helen shares the fact that she and Steve are Scar Twins. I asked what that meant, and Steve said in the usual disgusted tone, "It's beyond gay." I guess they had similar scars on their shoulders, so she demonstrated by touching their shoulders together, followed by a raised fist and "Scar Twins, GO!" Later on when Helen brought it up again, I said it's a symbol of their relationship, and that as long as they have their scars they'll have a special bond. She asked Steve, "You don't even have yours anymore do you?" Steve: "Eh, kinda."

- Brendan and Steve felt slightly ill after Star Tours, claiming off-center seating as the cause. I celebrated, victorious this once, as the only one not afflicted by motion sickness. Boo. Yah.

- Steve, having heard rumors of their edibility, had great hopes of saving money by eating the plants in Tomorrowland.

- Riding the roller coasters, I joined in the screaming but used my special joke laugh. The first time I did it, we were on Matterhorn and Brendan immediately asked, "Did you just do the laugh?!" I just said, "What? I saw a hat (that had fallen onto the track)." After the ride Brendan continued, "I swear... I thought I heard the laugh, weird." I agreed it was weird... and after maybe ten seconds said with a satisfied grin, "Yeah, I did it." My secret was out, so from then on escalation was the only course of action. My proudest creation... I hope the kids heard it.

- Dinner Saturday at Rainforest Cafe: one of the funniest meals ever. Since I was treating Steve to most of the weekend as a graduation/collision expense consolation gift, naturally he was looking at the lobster, and I recommended the salad. He offered to buy me a drink, and I said in that case I'd get him one too. We end up buying each other the same thing: Panama Punch, probably the strongest thing they have since it's got 151 and other liquors in it. We started slow, ate some food, Steve got the redness, then for some reason he decides to gulp down a third of his glass at once. Helen checked his temperature by touching cheeks, and we reviewed the day I lost thumb control. Hopefully Steve and Brendan can remind me of the other details...

- Steve mentioned that someone once saw Goofy outside at night, just standing still looking up at the stars. We wondered what he could have been doing, and eventually decided it was kinda creepy. Somehow we got to talking about how scary it'd be if late at night with no one else there, Goofy started chasing you around the park. You can't see who's in the suit, he's tall, goes "gawrsh" as he follows you, and makes his old cartoon yell noise if he gets hit. If you drop a banana peel, he'll slip and fall on it because he's Goofy... but he keeps on comin'. He'd stand in the place of the abominable snowman on the Matterhorn. If you get in the front car of a coaster, he gets in the back car. When you go through a cave, he's two cars closer. Another cave, another two cars closer. After the last cave he's sitting right next to you. "GAWRSH!" Freaky. You get in a Mad Tea Party cup, he gets in a different one, and somehow as you both spin around he's always looking right at you. He might even send Goof Troop after you. We agreed that'd be a great short movie for Brendan to make.

- After the tram ride back to the parking lot, Steve insisted the driver on the intercom sounded like Homestar Runner, and proceeded to imitate him: "pwease exit the twam, lowa yo head..." We didn't know what he was talking about, but the randomness cracked us up. Then to top that, Steve says, "ok maybe it wasn't that much like Homestar... it was more like this..." and does exactly the same voice again, "lowa yo head... lowa yo head and exit the twam... lowa yo head..."

- Sunday lunch at Arby's fine dining, before Steve and Helen take off. We get our food, and Steve is about to eat a curly fry when Helen says, "don't start with that!" and explains how when you're hungry your body soaks up the first thing you eat. Steve gives the usual face, and I couldn't help but laugh. Later, Steve mentioned how people ask you how your food is if they want some. Helen happened to ask him how his sandwich was, so he held it right up to her face. She didn't want any, but he continued offering it to her face for another ten seconds or so.

"I'm happy for you... bitch"

At Disneyland, the bitterness of the single guy left behind came up. February 2001: I got my first girlfriend and told Steve. He said "congratulations, you deserve it, man." BUT I KNEW. For 11 years, we had been a sad pair: the perpetually single last-finishing nice guys. Suddenly I had managed to quit the club. I could detect some bittersweet reaction... not that I blame him. If he had called me up and said he found a girl first, I'd hang up on him, drive down to SD, drop all his cookies on the floor, and say "nice going, now eat your tasty cookies!" Now... at Disneyland, Steve denied the bitterness. BUT I FOUND PROOF. The following is a quote from an AIM chat around that time:

"you lucky bastard... the boat is empty... fuck you guys, now I can go wherever I want."

That touching message does not matter now, of course. I can't say he did the same to me. We were in the same boat for a long time. I left the boat and he pissed on my stuff while I was gone. Then he ditched the boat when he got with Helen. I decided to buy a fancy yacht [read: horse], but didn't know that a week later a storm would tear it to holy hell and leave me stranded. So I'm back home, in the boat invisible to the female eye. And what do you do when you get home and find out someone's been pissing on your stuff? You piss on their fucking stuff. Ten times more than they did. I'm happy for you Steve. You too, Bryant. And why not throw T-Bag in the mix. I wish only the best for all of you. I recommend the bed and breakfast.

Yeah second thought...I just had a bad session and will probably give NL a rest for awhile. Yes I can probably gain it back. Yes I can probably play with a level head in NL...but sometimes you need a break. I'm going back to 1-2 just to chill for a bit and think about what happened to get me to this bad session of play. I will analyze and play the hands back in my head and wonder how I should have played it better. Overall this break will give me my much deserved break after numerous winning sessions. Every once in a while you have to stop and enjoy what you've accomplished. After all this isn't my job.

Remember...NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO TILT. NO ONE.

Alright, time to respond to the advice given... But as I write this, I'm down about 30 bucks so my opinion might not count for shit.

*clears throat*

I'll start by laughing at myself. I play both no limit and low limit poker. I'm actually better at low limit, but I have logged more hours in no limit... Why do I do such a thing? Well, probably because of what I've posted before. I enjoy taking LARGE sums of money off suckers. But most of the time I'm a sucker. I know why too.. It's something I have to get used to, and Brendan hit it on the nose. I don't want to spend over 3 dollars on a pre-flop. I'm a chicken. Anything that gets fairly high, I usually fold. And it actually costs me a lot of money.

Another thing that's stopping me from being a better poker player... I think I over play my cards... I'm also one to try and hold onto the AA til my dying breath. According to the statistics (I love that little feature) I go to the river after seeing the flop about 40% of the time. Happily at the river I realize what I'm doing and fold 53% of the time. (Which according to some books is probably a mistake... Odds 'n such...) Anyone want to share their stats? Oh well live and learn. I'm re-reading "Texas Hold 'em for Advanced Players" (the beginning of school is always really really slow...) and it also places a lot of emphisis on the fact that poker is not exact. Playing the excat same way all the time is not going to help very much. The books are a guideline of how to play.

I'd like to add an additional little piece of advice... The swings of poker are a bitch. I have good days and bad days.... Ummm, right now I'm having a bad day. But still, you gotta look at the grand scheme of things sometimes. Dropping a bit here and there is fine, you can make it up later. Whee, let's see... Subtract this 20 from what I lost today... yesss... Down 100! But some days are like that. I just gotta play a little better and tighter next time around. I bet I can rebound this week... I'll let you guys know.

Ok... I'm done talking about poker. Hell... I'm done playing poker tonight. Tomorrow is a new day :) I'll see you guys at the tables!

Ahh the poker controversy. I will blog tommorrow about the trip to LA. Although since I know Jon already went home and wrote it all in his notes I would hope that he blogs about it first. After all Jon is a much better storyteller than I will ever be. So lets get right to the problem of Kevin losing his stacks.

First and foremost I am going to say this. Kevin is a solid player. While he lacks the experience that some of us have he at least knows what to play preflop. That is better than at least 70 percent of the poker players I have played with. HOWEVER I offer this blog as a way to help him get better at the game, not a direct attack on him. I know he wouldn't take it this way, but I just thought I stick a disclaimer in here just in case he was having a bad day and reading this.

Pocket Rockets
The chances of being dealt this is about half a percent. So when you do get them you have to play them. But these are only good preflop. Aces only win about 1/3 of the time after the board is exposed. Think about this for a second. Would you put a lot of money if I said that you have to guess which one of the three color balls I will pick out of a bag? Didn't think so. Also think about this one. The chances of anyone being dealt a pair are about 6 percent. The chances someone is holding two suited cards are about 25 percent. What exactly does this mean. In a low limit game a lot of people play pairs and two suited cards. Pocket Rockets are overrated. There I said it. You wouldn't know it but I throw AA away many times in a No Limit game. They are not as powerful as you think and they can trap you into losing lots of money. If this is the case for AA then how strong do you think the case is for QQ?

But how come I've seen you win with JUST AA?
Easy. What the books that you have read will not teach you is the feel for the game. A feel for the table that you are sitting at right now. I AM NOT blowing my own horn. However I am more experienced than you when it comes to Low and No Limit Hold'em. I can remember what people play, how they bet, who is a sucker. I have seen AA get beat so many times and I have gotten my AA cracked on the flopped. Through experience I know that holding AA at the end of the hand is crazy when certain cards flop.

Low Limit
Can you really get frustrated losing with strong hands preflop in a game that AT THE MOST you can lose is 24 dollars in one hand. Shit and it never even makes it that high. So what can you expect really? This is the problem with Low Limit and I've said it time and time before...If you are tired of getting beat by not being able to scare people out with something mediocre like AA (and I say mediocre because put AA in the rank of winning hands) then you must move up to higher stakes. THIS DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN NO LIMIT. **NO LIMIT IS NOTHING LIKE LIMIT POKER. IF JON IS HESITANT ABOUT NO LIMIT AND HE IS OUR BEST PLAYER THAN I SUGGEST YOU ALSO BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS. =) You cannot scare anyone out of AA. Shit I'll draw against you even if you have the AA if I have a hand that can break you. I've been known to play pocket 2's just for the chance to catch that set and break someone who thinks their JJ-AA are gonna stand up. But I understand that you might not want to move up because it will cost to much if someone draws out on you. There is the rub. You want all the advantages of higher stakes without the losing. Well it doesn't happen that way. Trust me...as someone who moved up too soon in his poker career and lost a lot of money. A lot more than you did that one night.

No Limit
Again I cannot stress enough that this is totally different than anything we are any book has taught you. Let me put it this way. If you are not willing to bet your high preflop hands EVEN though there is a good chance that you will lose a lot of money then this is not for you. Let me put it this way. From what I've seen playing with you guys, I have yet to see someone make a significant bet (significant as in maybe...more than 5 bucks preflop). If you want to slow play your stuff (and it is considered slow play EVEN if you bet like 2 bucks...because I have two bucks in my pants in coins right now so 2 bucks isn't a lot) then be prepared to get drawn out. Again I'm not going to tell you how to spend your money BUT I want you to realize that No Limit (and AGAIN I'M NOT BLOWING MY OWN HORN BECAUSE I AM STILL LEARNING THE GAME) is not a science. There are no answers. No Limit is about knowing the table and feeling it. That you cannot teach.

Kevin I am sorry you had a bad night. But get used to them. You may have thought that I got the cards that night but think about it for a second. To get a fullhouse you have to either be holding a set or two pair. In a Low Limit game those are not that good, but the fact is that when I was playing with you I had No Limit open. According to my stacks there I was able to gamble on the Low Limit game and I hit my draw. Second of all I pick up a lot of pots that allows me to gamble on draws. The straight I got that night was open ended and I hit it. It only cost me 6 bucks total in the hand and I had many callers...why not?

All in all I'd like for our other serious poker players to get in on this conversation. If anything I can see if what I'm writing is completely off or if I can sleep at night knowing that I gave Kevin some sound advice. Please respond for the good of team Pooky's bankroll. Sorry for the weird wording too...just got back from LA remember?