Hi guys, I hope you like my icon that I put up. I think it reflects my personality somewhat. Just letting people know that you can't take me too seriously. Most may know or may not know of my recent rut. For those who noticed, I apologize for not being the usual me and that hopefully I'll be all smiles again soon. For those who don't know here's the story; the last week or so has been extremely hard on me. Of course it has to do my relationship, which recently ended b/w Natalie and I. It was really hard for me because she is my "first love." I have never cared for someone so much as I did for her and from I know she loved me too, but it was time for her to take a break. Reasons if I understand them correctly were because she saw us long term, so she felt that she was still young and needed to be single and that she wouldn't have the time to keep up a relationship w/ soccer, school, etc. Both, I knew were risks when I went into the relationship, both were risks that all my friends told me about, but I was still unprepared when she told me she wanted to go on a break. I thought things were going well and that this news came out of no where. We talked for like 7 hours the day we broke up, not really to patch things up, just to clarify things. I think I took it much harder because it felt like I was being rejected or like I did something wrong to cause this. It wasn't totally mutual, I understood why, but it was her call and I am going to try to do my best and be supportive. I think it also hurt because someone who supposedly loves you tells you that you're not high on her priority list isn't easy either. I felt like I could always make time and compromise, but I guess it wasn't enough. As of right now, I don't feel that much different from before. I feel pathetic at times because she is comfortable where we're at and from what I've seen isn't the slightest bit bummed or anything and then there's me who is just miserable and sad. It's comparable to the Irene ordeal, except at times this feels worse because it was someone I really cared about. That same night we talked even more and she wasn't sure she made the right decision, so I told her to take a couple days to think about it. I was kind of irked because she didn't tell me her final decision until we went running and even then it was subtle. I wish she would've told me when she knew for sure. It just would've given me a little more time to reflect on it, instead of being put on the spot. We're going to try and be friends and that is what I totally want to do, it's just hard for me to get over the hump and realize, that's all we will be for now. I hear her talk about all her other friends and how she can depend on them and call them whenever and I want to be that person for her. Another thing that will take some time to get used to is if she finds someone else or dates someone else, that'll be tough for me to hear, but I rather hear it from her than anyone else. I think there are hopes on both sides that we'll get back together someday, for me the thing that worries me is the uncertainty of when and even if. She calls it a lack of faith on my part, but sometimes you have to face the reality that we might not get back together, which is rough for me to think about. We are two totally different people who do different things and act in different ways, but sometimes opposites attract right? All in all, at least I learned to love someone and I know the feeling now to be loved and hopefully I've gained another great friend. And to show off my optimistic side, maybe we'll be great friends and hopefully that will strengthen a potential future relationship. Maybe this really is for the best and maybe I can't see it right now w/ a broken heart. But once time heals and I can see everything clearly, hopefully I'll be able to reflect on it and say "ya, that REALLY was for the best." Another hard lesson I've learned is that love can't keep everything together. Too many factors in this crazy world screw it up. That's where I'll leave fate to decide whether Natalie and I are right for each other. Wow, I've noticed I've written a lot about this. Thanks to everyone who listened and those who were just there for me. I know this year has been a big whining year for me w/ 3 relationships all going south, but thanks for sticking me and I love you guys (not in a gay manner) and gals, and I hope I can repay everyone's kindness. Just don't tell me there's plenty of fish in the sea, cause that's the last thing I want to hear. =) To any girls reading this, that's right Bryant is SINGLE. haha j/k ...well not just kidding...you know what I mean damnit! hehe Peace y'all.