Well, I was told by Brian that I need to post. He informed that it had been a while...so here we go...

I know I've written posts in the past about my relationships, so to keep consistent, here we are again.

Tiffany and I just broke up. Well, we're taking a break until, pretty much until I can get back in control of my life. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever done to date. How can I break up w/ someone that I truly love and enjoy being around? I can't explain it the reason why I was feeling this way, but for some reason for a while now, I was just feeling like I wasn't ready to be in a long term, long distance relationship anymore. It felt like there was too much work involved and energy being put in, where I didn't have time for myself. Time for myself to figure out who I really am and what I really want to do. I felt like I was concentrating my whole life on my relationship and honestly, I think my body was breaking down. Add in work, parents getting older and going to the hospital, finding a house and I think both physically and mentally, I was getting drained. I had to take the risk that I may never be together with Tiff again, so that I can just take a breather in life. It's the toughest call I've ever had to make and I just can't believe I did it.

Ever since high school, all I wanted was a stable relationship. I was called Mr. Stability by all and had everyone shocked when I told them about my dilemma. I always dreamed of just being with one girl and being with her forever. For some reason, in the past few months I've learned that forever is a hella long time. I will probably be together with someone for the rest of my life, so I saw being single for a year or so as not being too bad. I saw being single for a little bit as a time for me to stop growing so fast and just to take things one day at a time.

I've realized this was the first time I've broken up w/ a girl since high school. Except 6 years later, it hurts ten times more. I guess that's what happens when you truly care about someone. I've just realized that I've never cried so much over a girl. Even with the others, I was just depressed, never really cried. It's just weird to think about, you know?

While talking with Tiff, she became understanding to why I had to do this and what sucks is that's what I love about her. How understanding she is, how much she cared for me, and how she wants what's best for me as well. I realized how much our personalities really matched, how I finally found a girl that can tolerate Brendan and friends, and how much I can truly care about a person.

The good thing is we talked things out more and decided that both of us would love to stay friends. She's become one of my best friends and I would really hate to lose that. I'm so serious on this one when I say I want us to be friends and I will try my best when the dust settles to do that.........it's just going to be so hard.

We also talked about getting together again and we both have said that it'll probably be some time before we get back together. On my part, I definitely have to be ready and sure that I'm ready to go for the long haul in a relationship. Things happen for a reason and I hope in time that fate has a plan for Tiff and I.

The hardest part of the night was hanging up the phone. We both realized that we wouldn't be a couple after that. We became "friends" and it was evident when Tiff said, "Good night Bryant." Usually she says, "Good night babe, love you." Sorry for the sappinest, but it truly donned on me that it was the first sign of us being friends. I didn't think this would affect me this much, but I have been wrong on a lot of things.

I guess the ball's in my court to figure out my life and just to relax a bit...

Life's going to be different starting tommorrow (today actually)...first time I'll see Tiff again is Obon, I hope it's not too weird.

Thanks to those who talked to me and gave me advice. I really needed someone to listen and none of you hesitated to hear me out. I'm truly lucky to have friends like you.

I keep asking myself, "How could this happen?" Steve's right, you can't control emotions, I surely wish I could.

Sorry for the depressing post, but I thought my best/good friends should know about this.

Good night all and take care.