Brendan, I've said it once and I'll say it again, you're one of the few friends I don't ever really worry about when it comes to you succeeding in life. You may not have the motivation now, but it will come. One day you will ask yourself that question of when you're going to be fed up and you'll take action. Keep sleeping on it. =)

As for me and I'm sure with others there is a huge amount of routine in my life. My typical weekday goes like this:

-Wake up @ 7am or 8am depending on when I have a meeting.
-Get to the office at 8 or 9 and call into a meeting and check email for about an hour.
-Web surf for another hour while I'm responding back to emails. Check ESPN, email, blogs, gamespot, foxsports, some web comics, and now myspace.
-Maybe do something productive for an hour. It's either a meeting or I'm talking online w/ a bunch o' work people to get their ish done.
-Lunch by myself because I don't know that many people and I am not comfortable enough to eat lunch with most. This means grabbing something and coming back to my office and surfing the web some more.
-Web surf while my food settles.
-Usually in another meeting @ 2.
- Chat online, write emails, and wrap my day up by about 5-6 ish.
-Go to the gym.
-Eat dinner and watch a Giants game until about 10pm.
-Come online - talk to nobody on AIM but sign on anyway, listen to music, read the same sites as above.
-Go to bed by midnight. Repeat Sunday night - Thursday.

So far this is two years and still running. Next thing I know this will be 40 years from now and I'll still be doing the same shit. Thank god for the weekends where I can break the monotony for at least a couple days. I hope we keep playing football, basketball, or whatever the next sport so that I have something ultimately to look forward to. I realized the weekends can be spent in any number of ways to BBQing, clubbing, going to Monterey, lounging, doing chores, poker, videogames, etc. It sucks that during the week I don't really have this luxury because I am too damn tired.

And the fun parts in between all the chaos I think about what I've lost and how I'm supposed to move on. My thoughts are a lot of "I really hate myself for feeling this way." I can't stand it and I don't think I've ever been more frustrated at myself. I hope everyone knows that I am trying to move on. I hope no one feels that I'm crying about my problems constantly and not wanting to better myself or improve my situation (this is coincidence to your blog Brendan haha). This has become a bigger challenge then I could ever imagine, but I know I will pull through. Bear with me and be patient. I just want everyone to know I am trying my best, but I may need a vent session just to get my frustrations out.

We all deal with problems/issues differently and I'm trying to be proactive in conquering mine. Parts of me think I'm forcing things and not letting things happen naturally, but I refuse to accept that I can't try and get out of my funk.

Sorry I didn't mean to post that last part, but just came out naturally. I think there are things that I want to put on my blog, but I know she reads it. Even though I shouldn't care, I don't want her to see me in a weak state.

No more weddings for me for a while, that shit made these things crawl back in mind. haha.

As for great memories that always seem to make me smile:
-College graduation - who could ask for any better day then being able to stand tall with my best friends at graduation.
-High school graduation - walking w/ Brendan, felt like we went full circle.
-Playing football at Payne School (elementary -> middle school -> some high school -> now)
-Playing Hockey at Payne everyday during the summers. I never felt so confident in my ability at a sport. The first time I ever felt like I could succeed.
-Playing Track n Field at my house and Eric crying because the other dudes were cheating.
-Playing Tecmo Bowl every chance I could against friends.
-Playing NHL against Brendan online and Andy calling Mr. H a bitch without knowing it.
-Pink Taco, Casper, Maniac Cop, Sushi Boy, Flaming Bovine playing Duke Nuke Em everyday.
-Singing in the car in high school.
-Proms, dances -> my form of sad, pathetic dating in high school haha.
-The "no pants" night, "kent's naked", gay movie title game, breakfast burritos, "Rob Lowe" night
-Obons - Fuji -> giving out rings -> andy's hamburger story -> andy hittin on old ladies -> "you got it" -> and now Bingo and Batman.
-Jonathan's 22nd -> Jillians -> cleaning shoes -> head hitting window -> video tape -> Pho -> fingers that don't move.
-Old Navy and getting that coupon from the old lady in front of me and brendan and I putting on a show for the cashier.

We have lots o' stories and memories, hopefully they don't stop......