Sleep. Sleep makes me lazy. Sleep makes my life boring. I do it soooooo much. It's not my fault really, but rather the universe of bagels and cards. Once again I know that my opinion is mute compared to you working stiffs. I ain't complaining, just telling you what you might have to deal with if you ever worked at a bagel shop and liked poker too much...Everyone of you might think I like to sleep and I like being lazy. Well since we are on the topic of sleep, let me show you what sleep means to me.

Scenario A

I get up at 5:00 am to go to work. Unfortunately I just got to bed at around 2:00 in the morning watching dumb shit on television. The cool thing is that I get out of there at 1:00 pm and my whole day is free. While I drive down Hamilton I seriously think of all the things I could do today. I think of stuff like organizing all the DVD's that haven't been transfered to the logic, I could go to Garden City and play for a good 4-6 hours, I could paint something on my computer, find my sidedrawer for my room so I can get a new fish tank, work on Ricki's business card...and when I get home my room is hot and stuffy...and I take off my shoes that have been stabbing into my feet like needles and I sit down on my bed that wasn't made yet because I had to wake up too early. Next thing I know I am waking up at around 7:00 pm wondering if anyone wants to go get Miyagi's burgers. then the thought of having to work at 5:00 am the next morning goes through my head. Another wasted day. If I'm off the next day then skip down to Scenario B2.

Scenario B

I get to sleep in! I am closing today and that means I get up at around 9-10 depending on when I work. I'm usually refreshed since it seems I can at least work a full shift at Noahs on 3 hours of sleep. I close the store and get out of there at around 5:30 pm. Wow. Again I have the whole night to do something and I'm not that tired! Until I go home. Again my bed is inviting me to take a little nap. However, I finally take a stand and decide I'm going to do something tonight! I think maybe I'll go to Bay 101 (I like that place better than Garden at night...I dunno, personal preference I guess.), maybe I'll start coding MA.com ver. 2.0., yada yada. While sitting on my bed I realize that I'm a lot more tired than I thought and it took the feathery blanket's persuasion to realize it. Now one of two things can happen...

Scenario B1

I have to work again tomorrow morning at 5:00 am. The thought of dealing with those fucking customers (who aren't even that fucking bad) get to my head and I lose all motivation to do anything. I mean what's the fucking point? I'm just gonna have to wake up hella early anyway. This takes us back to Scenario A.

Scenario B2

I have the day off tomorrow. Fuck yeah. I'm tired of bagels and that shop already and I haven't even been back for 5 days. I'm tired but I'm feeling good that I can stay up tonight and have the whole day tomorrow to do whatever I want! So instead of being a strong willed person I think to myself, "Man, I can go to bed now and wake up early tomorrow morning and go to Bay, work on Ricki's card, paint something..." Slowly this drifts me off to my dreams where the workstation humming and fan rotating invite my inner thoughts to haunt me. This takes us to Scenario C.

Scenario C

The fan is blowing a steady stream of air into my face. My eyes are slightly dry and I have no motivation of turning it off. The room is stuffy and I have nothing to do but think. I think how the very smell of a bagel eats away my insides. Every time I hear, "Do you have lox and cream cheese?" makes me realize that my life is filled with nothing but false hope of doing something better with my life. The sound of the cashier register opening makes me realize that I am stuck in a job that I hate and it is the realization that I am doing nothing to better my situation that ultimately makes me sick. I feel that I am a loser that has no talent whatsoever. If I was such a good cardplayer why am I working at Noahs where the schedule prevents me from going to the cardroom. (That and my low energy level) If I was such a talented director why am I not making anything? Fuck it. For that matter if I say I love it so much why am I not writing anything to direct? Why am I not making contacts in the real world? All my insecurities slowly cover me as if it were in quicksand. I then drift off to sleep where I welcome a new day where perhaps someone will hand success to me.

Of course I know this won't happen. Right before I go to sleep I ask myself, "Brendan, how long is it going to take before you are fed up?" In fact I then ask the question, "Why do I need to be fed up to make something of my life?" I then think of all the people that I was frustrated with because they didn't do anything about their personal situations when it was bugging them. I apologize to them in my head and realize that I am sick of myself because I am doing the same thing. Why am I doing the same thing? I decide I'll answer it tomorrow and drift off to a happier place.

What a retarded post. Haha!