THE FARMER AND HIS WIFE
Brian, that’s a tough one.

My first instinct says you should just stay away. I wish I knew more of the details of your relationship while it was going on… other than you guys “reading” together. But back then you didn’t volunteer a whole lot of info. What I do know worries me, all the shit that came out after you guys broke up: she was needy, didn’t have her own friends, monopolized your time… and then after all you sacrificed (namely, chill time with Steve and me heh punk), something happened and she just dropped you. Then there was the awkward phase, and her invite-and-ignore-Brian parties... but eventually, after a long time you got over it and were ready to move on and never see her again (and were ready to pursue married girls wheee). I don’t want to see this become a cycle. I know it’s easy for old feelings to come back. And we often find comfort in familiarity, even if it’s not in our best interest.

On the other hand, I never got the full picture of how happy you were when you were together. If, at the time, she really seemed like the one for you… and somehow you feel that way again… I guess it might be worth a shot. I definitely agree that you don’t want to end up wondering “what if?”… we’ve done that enough already. So if, after reflecting on all the good and all the bad, you still feel like trying something again, then just be careful and keep your head in reality. And keep us posted so we can set you straight when you need it.

If I got any of this wrong, I apologize for misrepresenting the situation, and seriously would like to be refreshed on the accurate story… this is just how I remember it. MEANWHILE, I’ll find the most tall, nappy, farmer-looking guy in kickboxing class to practice beating down, in case any leave-after-one-game-of-bowling ideas come creeping back. >=)

TAKING WHAT YOU GET
The question I raised with Bryant was not about settling in general. I agree there’s no truly perfect match, and you might always wonder about other possibilities. I was making a distinction between (a) taking risks to pursue what you really want, and (b) waiting for something to come to you.

If you’re still not getting it, here’s an analogy:
Shopping.
For jeans.
You have ideas of what you want: style, color, size… and you know it must be available somewhere. All you have to do is go out to some stores and look. The risk? Maybe they won’t have your size. Maybe they’ll be black when you want blue. When this happens, sure, it’ll hurt like hell and you’ll cry, but eventually you get over it and try another store. If you keep trying, eventually you’ll find your fit. Because come on, there are plenty of jeans stores in the sea. That’s word.

Now…
What if you only bought jeans from door-to-door salesmen? Why risk going to the store, you might get hurt again . You decide to wait until the salesmen come to you. You choose from whatever selection they offer. Sure, it’s simple, effortless, convenient… and you might even find a decent fit, and be content with what you get. But there’s a whole world of denim out there you’re not even giving yourself a chance to try on.

So where in the context of this analogy does each of us fit in?

Brendan - doesn’t want to spend his money at a store, or even on gas to get there. Fuck jeans.
Brian - tried a few white jeans in the past. The last comfortable pair was from a store that closed, but recently reopened. He’s considering going back to see what’s in stock now.
Bryant - the door-to-door salesmen know his house well. The jeans look pretty good in catalogs, so he’s ordered a few. After a while they get worn out, but salesmen keep coming around. Right now he’s got a fitting pair, but he’s moving soon and might not have room in his suitcase.
Derek - I don’t know all the stories, but I’ve heard he’s been to a lot of stores and ended up not liking them very much. He no longer makes any special effort to shop. Brendan maintains that he actually likes tights.
Jonathan - this frugal picky bastard never buys new clothes. A few times he tried some on but they never seemed to fit quite right. Once he went to a store at 99 Ranch and brought home a good pair of jeans and kept them for a while. But one day he rode a horse, they broke, and now they’re gone. He tried a French store but someone else took the last of his size… he hasn’t shopped since.
Steve - one time he found some jeans he really, really liked. He paid a lot for them, but the dumb bitch cashier left the security tag on. He returned them but lost the receipt so he didn’t get his money back. He ran over a cat on the way home. After a couple repeats or similar disasters, he finally found some jeans that worked out for him, and is probably wearing them right now.

“If it’s meant to be, eventually it’ll happen.”
“It didn’t work out. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”
My current belief is that such “meant to be” clichés are bullshit. People fall back on them when they are too lazy, afraid, or indecisive to take control of their own lives. Sure, sometimes it is best to wait and see. But don’t make up excuses or mystical destiny-driven reasons (well... if you happen to believe in destiny, that's just a whole other debate). I’d just like to think that over time we all have and will become more confident and proactive in pursuing our own goals and happiness. Here’s hoping…

BEETLEJUICE GIRL, INTERRUPTED?
Ah, the less-celebrated female celebrities… I happen to like Winona Ryder. She has a classic kind of beauty, and though she might not be able to pull off shoplifting, she pulls off the short hair bob quite nicely. I’ve already heard opposition… “WINONA RYDER?!” said Bryant a while back, apparently shocked to find her among my pictures. Wendy thinks she looks plain. Anyways, she’s one of my picks.

Oh actually since this post took so long I thought of another one. When I saw The Mummy Returns I thought Rachel Weisz was really attractive. Since then I’ve seen pictures where she doesn’t look so good… but on screen, at the time, she was appealing.

NEW BLUCKY ICON
…
looks just like you…
heh and you said mine looked Chinese…

Well I’m not sure if this one or the old one was a more accurate representation… but I’d say this one is scarier. Anywhich, it’s a cool drawing and very nicely colored.

ILL
Wait a second… look at this timestamp… that can’t be right, Jonathan is working full time now… neh?

Ah, the sick day. Paid time off. Nice.

I got home, and Reid (on spring break) asked with a grin, “Did you get fired?” Fortunately not. I went in to Sunnyvale for a training class this morning from 8-12. I was feeling pretty bad already, but afterward was still planning to work and see how I felt as the day went on. By the time I reached Palo Alto I was feverish, so I decided to leave my manager an email and head home.

So here’s one good thing about work. Sick days are no longer all bad. Back in school, when you got sick you’d stay home and know that when you went back you’d have extra work to do. That’s shiet in a knapsack waiting to funk up your life. But when you get sick days off from work, you can sleep, read, watch movies, or even finally post a blog that the world has been eagerly awaiting. Worth it.