btw, i was looking at old posts, when i used to post more often on here, i found this hilarious...

so i posted in one of my posts:
" And all the critics that said that "Full Circle" sucked or was the biggest disappoint ever can suck my dick." -Monday, March 3 2003

and in the following post, Jon said:
"Full Circle sucked and was the biggest disappointment ever. Now let’s have at that dick."
-Tuesday, March 4 2003

Here's another thing Jon wrote about me. This was after i went off on after brendan told us about the Tomo's drama, and i said that i would kick anyone's ass who fucks with my friends. This is Jon's follow up to that post (I seriously laughed out loud at the part about "the sixth sense":

"Steve, it’s nice to see how violently loyal you are to your friends. I’ve gotta warn whoever’s out there even thinking about doing something to piss this guy off. He may seem happy now, what with a girl and APhiO, but he’s got years of rage in reserves… he can just imagine me not holding cookies or some other petty kid shiet, and BAM part of your face is missing and the sixth sense is two beyond what you’ve got. Kids will be reading about it in history books: The Trail of Ears, from San Diego to Fresno. And those kids will be crying." -Friday, March 14 2003

okay okay one more!!! This one is long. i'm only posting the whole thing so you guys dont have to click back. Anyways, read this analogy made Jon made about girls and jeans, and he also mentioned something abour fate, destiny at the end, for more relevent goodness:

The question I raised with Bryant was not about settling in general. I agree there’s no truly perfect match, and you might always wonder about other possibilities. I was making a distinction between (a) taking risks to pursue what you really want, and (b) waiting for something to come to you.

If you’re still not getting it, here’s an analogy:
Shopping.
For jeans.
You have ideas of what you want: style, color, size… and you know it must be available somewhere. All you have to do is go out to some stores and look. The risk? Maybe they won’t have your size. Maybe they’ll be black when you want blue. When this happens, sure, it’ll hurt like hell and you’ll cry, but eventually you get over it and try another store. If you keep trying, eventually you’ll find your fit. Because come on, there are plenty of jeans stores in the sea. That’s word.

Now…
What if you only bought jeans from door-to-door salesmen? Why risk going to the store, you might get hurt again . You decide to wait until the salesmen come to you. You choose from whatever selection they offer. Sure, it’s simple, effortless, convenient… and you might even find a decent fit, and be content with what you get. But there’s a whole world of denim out there you’re not even giving yourself a chance to try on.

So where in the context of this analogy does each of us fit in?

Brendan - doesn’t want to spend his money at a store, or even on gas to get there. Fuck jeans.
Brian - tried a few white jeans in the past. The last comfortable pair was from a store that closed, but recently reopened. He’s considering going back to see what’s in stock now.
Bryant - the door-to-door salesmen know his house well. The jeans look pretty good in catalogs, so he’s ordered a few. After a while they get worn out, but salesmen keep coming around. Right now he’s got a fitting pair, but he’s moving soon and might not have room in his suitcase.
Derek - I don’t know all the stories, but I’ve heard he’s been to a lot of stores and ended up not liking them very much. He no longer makes any special effort to shop. Brendan maintains that he actually likes tights.
Jonathan - this frugal picky bastard never buys new clothes. A few times he tried some on but they never seemed to fit quite right. Once he went to a store at 99 Ranch and brought home a good pair of jeans and kept them for a while. But one day he rode a horse, they broke, and now they’re gone. He tried a French store but someone else took the last of his size… he hasn’t shopped since.
Steve - one time he found some jeans he really, really liked. He paid a lot for them, but the dumb bitch cashier left the security tag on. He returned them but lost the receipt so he didn’t get his money back. He ran over a cat on the way home. After a couple repeats or similar disasters, he finally found some jeans that worked out for him, and is probably wearing them right now.

“If it’s meant to be, eventually it’ll happen.”
“It didn’t work out. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”
My current belief is that such “meant to be” clichés are bullshit. People fall back on them when they are too lazy, afraid, or indecisive to take control of their own lives. Sure, sometimes it is best to wait and see. But don’t make up excuses or mystical destiny-driven reasons (well... if you happen to believe in destiny, that's just a whole other debate). I’d just like to think that over time we all have and will become more confident and proactive in pursuing our own goals and happiness. Here’s hoping…

-Weds, april 16, 2003

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP THE CAT?????? =*(

Sorry for quoting Jon so much, but maybe if you fuckers wrote something more interesting I'd quote you too! JK. stop crying.

As i was reading through the old posts, it would seem that i was a lot better at writing (and more witty) when i was pissed off. Damn. Guess i should piss myself off more often. Fuck this happy shit!

holy shit the sun is coming up. time for bed!