I find it funny how when I feel like I'm going to blog since Pooky has been neglected for a week, someone else always blogs. I guess we are all on the same creative clock. So now it is time to push Tony's thoughts down the page! =P Again nothing important really here, just some random thoughts...
Musical Notes
I love the Postal Service. Therefore it is mandatory that I like Death Cab for Cutie. I know I'm probably late in liking these guys, but for those who don't know them I think it is worth a download to check them out. Soul Meets Body is their latest hit. They have a unique sound and is a nice break from all that booty shaking shit on the radio and television. Also Kanye is overrated. Thought I'd throw that in there.
Hope and The Aquarium
After working with Steve on his project for school, we got to take a couple of much needed breaks from Maya and creative thinking to sit down and talk. After those couple of nights I realized that it was the first time that Steve and I talked in a while. I told him about how Ricki met up with this guy named Jeff Lufkin and how it is a very small world indeed. I reminded him of the dream I had years ago which I just shared with Tony. I'm not saying it is anything like fate because that would be PSYCHO. But anyway this little story sets up for my next sentence. I told him that I'm not the type of person that believes in fate and he said the same. His reasoning is that he wants to feel in control of his life and that night I thought the same. We then went into a little bit about how hope sets you up for expectations and if these expectations are not met then we are slammed to the ground without our self esteem intact.
After thinking it over I thought I agreed with Steve. However, after thinking things over I think I changed my position on some certain things...
Things good and bad will happen in our lives. Whether it is something as small as a bird shitting on your freshly washed car or as big as someone passing away that was close to you, we will always be faced with decisions that will either affect our lives in the most tiny way or change us for the rest of our lives...or change the life of some stranger we don't even know. I like to think that I am in control of my fate and it is also comforting to me to think that we are all in sole control of our lives...but that isn't life.
Shit will hit the fan. This we are not in control of. What we are in control of is whether we want to wade in our shittles or clean it up and continue to have fun blowing air into the fan so it makes that funny sound.
What the fuck does an aquarium have to do with anything? Well an aquarium reminds me of what exactly I am trying to say. These fish can live their lives however they want in the universe given to them. They can hide under a rock or swim within the plants...but the big picture is that I am the god to their universe. They can't change the conditions they live in unless I do something about it. It is kind of depressing in a way that my fish depend so much on me...and it is also shitty when I let a fish die.
We are all in a fucking huge aquarium. We have control of what we want our lives to reflect, but we do not have TOTAL control ever. We rely on other people sometimes to make decisions for us...whether it be hiring me so I can get a better job and live a more comfortable life, or relying to much on my parents...all nuances of not having total control ever.
So none of this is new to you. You knew this already. I just wanted to say to all of you who are in the middle of decisions right now is that you are never in total control of what will happen. Sometimes all you can do is make a decision and hope it all turns out for the best...and that unknown is what makes life worth living don't you think? I think it is about time that all of us embrace that unknown rather than fear it...and I have hope that all of us will turn out fine.
Except for me. I have absolutely no hope for me.
Dual Widescreen Monitors
Thank you Bryant and Jonathan for showing me how awesome dual displays are. Of course you both knew that I always wanted dual displays, but was never in the position of affording them. For those who don't know, I got two dual widescreen 20inch monitors and they are fucking awesome. I was worried about dead pixels and backlighting issues, but so far both of them don't have one dead pixel or any backlighting issues...
Paired with a new graphics card that is way over my budget, but I don't care cuz I deserve one...these monitors rock. Which leads me to my next point...
Creativity Sucks
I probalby posted about this before, but I'm giving you an update...
Throughout my life and also recently I have heard some statements like...
"Man I wish I can draw."
"Dude I wish I could direct movies." (For the record so do I.)
"It must be so cool to _____*."
*Insert make webpages, paint, direct, edit...
Sure this is all cool. I don't think otherwise and am very happy that I can somewhat do all these things...the problem of course is this and those who aren't creative in the traditional sense (I say traditional because EVERYONE is creative whether it is how you handle people or how you deal with certain situations), but I am talking about creativity that manifests itself onto a blank canvas and is considered "art" in the most traditional sense, don't realize the toll that creativity might take on an artist.
I recently told Jonathan how I have been feeling lately because Jonathan who we all know is an awesome artist sometimes wrestles with the fact that he is doing a job that he kind of likes, but on the other hand loves to draw. I am in a deep creative slump right now. And when someone who is relying on his creativity to get him through life has no inspritation or motivation, it makes that person a.k.a. me feel like cutting my wrist with a dull plastic knife...and the only reason why I succeed in killing myself is because all these plastic knives keep breaking and my anger turns into straight determination.
Well we all know that it's not that bad, but it is in fact close to how I feel, except for the actual thinking of killing myself. When you cannot be creative, you tend to group it with self worth. You then start to think of creativity as an almost anti-hero who screws you when you need it most. I cannot force creativity...I'm not an artist that can do that...which brings me to another tangent...
When I went clubbing...YES I went clubbing...there are some photographic evidence of such a momentous occasion...I met...well nevermind. I had to introduce myself to Steve's friends because Steve knows that I will eat new people up if they piss me off...but we got into a conversation and I'm starting to take on Jonathan's sense of conversation. Sometimes he likes to say things that amuse him as almost an inside joke, because as long as he laughs at it, it is good enough for him.
So when I introduced myself to Steve's friends that night, I went into a little rant about how I'm a worthless man who has no talent and is a waste of natural rescources on this planet. Of course I wasn't trying to impress them, but rather see what their reaction would be...(sorry Steve, didn't mean to experiment on your friends) but besides that ass move...Steve said something to the two girls along the lines of this...and I just wanted to let Steve know that I appreciate this comment, because he seemed genuine about it, but he could have just been pulling one of those inside jokes for yourself bits...
"Nah. You know what the problem with this guy is [me] that he has all these talents, but can't concentrate on one...most people in this world have one huge talent and they run with it because that is all they do, but this guy can't make a decision."
That isn't word for word, but it is what I remember hearing...and quite frankly, Steve is dead on the fucking money. I can't make a decision if my life depended on it. So until then I will sit around and hope that some of these projects that Mike and Ari have lined up for Jonathan and I will give me some of that much needed motivation.
It's funny. I hated school because I was around idiots. But the motivation was getting nods from professors about my work. Now I have only me to answer to...and let me tell you...there is nothing worse than working for a boss that has no direction or confidence in his abilities.
In fact I'm going to quit.
Laguna Beach
Oh yeah and real quick...for all you Lauren Conrad lovers out there...I really don't think she can compete with this! Now if Jessica will only do a photoshoot like this...then I will have no reason to watch Laguna Beach anymore!
No comments:
Post a Comment