haha..don't worry i know you're picking on me. But that's just fine you bitch. I wouldn't expect anything less.

"bad luck"...is a subjective thing. It could be losing at the craps table. It could be having girls always turn you down. It could be getting hit by a car after you've looked both ways when crossing the street. It could be having a gloomy day. It can be a number of things.

despite what you think, my world is not an atomic bomb of gloomyness and sadness and the color black. I don't wake up everyday wishing i had a better life or anything like that. I accepted long time ago who i was and what my life was like. My life not sunshine (see icon =P), my life is not easy. But no one's is. I have a lot of bad luck. In that, i lose at poker constantly. If i drop a plate it will land on my foot. I just went clubbing the other day. I leaned back in my chair and slammed my head into a pole. Who else but Steve could pull off such a stunt? I have bad luck, but I don't look at myself as a victim anymore. When I hit my head i yell out, "i'm a fucking klutz" with a smile on my face. It feels good to have bad luck, because it make my life interesting. But more than that, "bad luck" can be interpreted as a good thing. You know that statement, "if you never made mistakes, then you would never learn anything". Well, I can say that from all my slamming fingers in doors, bumping my head, breaking my heart, being out of shape, not being quick with the wit...I've learned a lot about myself. Yes, there was a time when i disliked who i was. I didn't think I was cool enough and i sure as hell didn't think that life was going to be easy. Well, I still feel that life isn't going to be easy, but I firmly believe in a new thought: that something bad is only bad if you fight it, if you push against it. So I have bad luck? So what? My bad luck has nothing to do with my perceptions. It all goes back to a stupid cliche: "everybody has drama. But we differ in how we deal with it". When i hit my hand against a door, or when a girl blows me off, or when Jon proves me wrong (yet again), I try to look at it like, well, then it was(n't) meant to be. funny how i used to hate that statement ("wasn't/was meant to be"). mebbe it's cause i felt like i wanted control over everything in my life. Thank goodness i found out that that's truly impossible.

being positive sucks. being negative sucks. Being realistic is dope. Because when you're neutral, you let the cards fall as they please, and then you deal with the outcome. Expectations suck, whether they are good or bad. Yes, we can all argue that it is better to look at things in a positive light. But I don't really see the point. If i smile as the bullet is passing through my liver, i seriously doubt it will do less damage. But it will freak out bystanders, which may be worth it in the long run.

back to the finals.

p.s. I hate life. hahahahahahahah.

p.s.s. brendan, go back to noah's. I want some free food. I can't get free pumpkin pie like some lucky mudda fuccaz