I don't know my neighbors. I know a name or two, but that's about it. For my security clearance I have to get to know them (or let them get to know me, rather). So a few days ago I decided to go talk to them, and leave a note in case they weren't home. I just wrote a little about myself, my education, interests, etc. I thought my neighbor's reply was kinda funny, hopefully so shall you. I wrote on the envelopes "Urgent note, please open immediately". This neighbor sent his reply over in an envelope labeled "Attn: Jonathan, an urgent, urgent reply". I get the feeling he may be as sarcastic as us. Here's the unedited, uncut version:

Jonathan,
A few questions

1) Yes, we know who lives next door to us, but why don't you know us? Baby sit our kid for 1 nite and you can get caught up with the last 6 years *1

2) Your 23, why are you still at home

3) We think your shyness (at your age) could be a problem. Have you thought about seeking professional help. *2

4) Not a question!! I'm still waiting for the 2 on 2 against you and your brother. *3

5) I make a living (sales) by intruding on everyone at any given time every day of the week. Its o.k to intrude as long as your entertaing while doing it. *4

6) Why have we never seen you on a date? Don't women like they shy type. *5

7) What is the relationship between being an eletrical engineer, and also being the quiet shy type I don't get it

8) How would I know if you have never been in trouble and you do not use drugs. What little I know, usually a neighbor that keeps to himself and stays private quite possibly wants it that way so nobody will find out he is using his house as a drug lab *6

9) Was the U.C degree meant as a knock to me because I only graduated from Cal Poly S.L.O.

10) O.K. I'll cover for you this time as I did for your father 12 or so years ago but at least he paid me $50.00 for my effort *7

Finally, remember this, its o.k to know your neighbors. You might need their help someday. Thats why I know them all.... so I can use their help as much as I can get away with___

NOTES
*1: I started my notes "Hello neighbor" because I had a generic one for each next-door neighbor and just printed them out. I actually did already know who they were, but apparently that wasn't understood.
*2: I made a note that my family is all pretty shy, pretty much as an excuse for not already knowing our neighbors better.
*3: I mentioned that I might be seen from time to time playing basketball with my brothers in our driveway.
*4: I had written that I wanted to minimize the intrusion on their lives, hence the short note.
*5: =...(
*6: I mentioned that "I do not get into trouble with the law or do any illegal drugs." Heh I guess that wasn't necessary to add.
*7: Heh gotta love it. I wonder how long it took to choose a number that was low enough to sound real but high enough that it would make me pay for being stupid.